The Mind Illuminated archive

Joyful Stillness – April 20-25, 2011 (2 of 6)


Joyful Stillness
5 day Easter Samatha-Vipassana Meditation Retreat
with
Upasaka Culadasa at Manzanita Village, California
April 20, 2011 – April 25, 2011

“When the mind is uplifted by joy the body becomes all tranquil” – Buddha

Audio Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6

This dharma talk begins with a question about handling physical pain during meditation. The terms pain and suffering are defined; and their importance as the key concepts of the first noble truth are discussed. “Letting go”, equanimity, acceptance, and non-resistance are touched on as the conversation continues. Culadasa describes his own recent abdominal surgery as an illustration of the effects of maintaining equanimity.


Automated transcription

So your question is that if you're feeling sore or pain your brother? And then you focus your attention on the sore escrow for the bank. Then sometimes it becomes very intense. That you're asking. So what what do you do then. Okay. What What is really important is the way that you look at the sore of the pain. Because you want to look at it. As objectively as you can. Is if it's something separate from you? And when you when you look at it, initially, you're going to be experiencing it, the way we always experience pain.

Oh, this is my pain. This hurts. I don't like this. Right? And so the point of directing your attention to it is to try to get away from that identifying, I? And instead of examine it, objectively as o you separate from. So when you put your attention to the sore, maybe it's just sort send your need, for example, I'll just use that as an example. If I put your attention on that and say, how large is it? Is getting larger or smaller orders and fluctuate fluctuating. What is the quality of it? Is it double aching or is it?

Burning or is it sharp? And is the quality of it changing? Is it moving or is this staying in the same way? So you're looking at it in this way with these kinds of questions in your mind. Helps to put you into an objective relationship with the domain. Now it is normal that when you first, begin to focus on an non unpleasant sensation. You're you're going to... It's going to become more intense. Just because you're looking at is that what you mean? That? Just because you're looking at a a smart test?

Correct? Correct. Okay. Now that's normally what happens. And that's what you want to work with. You want to work with that? Because you see what is happening there? Is that it's your mind's reaction to the sensation that's it's making it more intense. So you're saying we saw on public don't fear anything. But why is your concentrate immediately, feel vibration, you know, can forward my strong feed. Because your comes is some part of the body. So you won't feel Because all of your attention on that went party.

Yeah. Right. But the thing is that why You have to ask yourself. Why why put my attention this? Is how does it become more end unpleasant? Ask yourself that question. And what that leads to what you wanted to read to where you want your examination of pain to eventually take you to is the experience of understanding the relationship between Pain and suffering. I think that's. That's a very important thing towards. Because you know, Yeah either the Buddha prop four normal truths. Fortress. The first truth that he taught I don't know if people really understand it very well.

He said, basically, of the way that I would put that first truth is that Pain is of suffering his optional. But the way we start out, we all suffer whenever this pain. We suffer for because. But that doesn't have to be the case. Doesn't have to be that but. The... What... The pain is a physical sensation. And yes, it is unpleasant. But it is our minds reaction to it that causes it to be suffering and that makes it more. So While intention is on your graph and you're aware of the pain is in the background that your mind.

Your line is reacting against it. And so you experiencing south degree spectrum right. And then when you put your attention directly on it, Now now your mind is resisting this experience much more strongly. And so it becomes more intense. And what you would like to do using pain as a part of your practice, what you would like to do is to discover through your own draft experience, how it is that you're fine turns pleasant sensation. Into a miserable experience into to answer suffering. Well, my immediate reaction is how come?

Yeah. Right. And, you know, and what would happen? If you could see the clock, you know, i I don't know if you can't. But if you can see the clock, you have a pain, and you think all I hope the bill ring soon. Because this is really bothering. Then if you look at the clock and you see, oh, there's fifteen minutes they go. Yeah. Worse. It it hurts worse just because you know there's a long time. You know That that is a that in itself talking it is your mind. Mh. Your mind is part of the experience of of the suffering.

So yeah. The first thing The first thing that you want is you want the paint to. And how course the idea will come to do something to make the bang in. And if you deny that be yourself, say, no, I gonna sit still till go. Yeah? Two things, you're either gonna sit there, and your client is gonna resist this and resist it that it's going bother more more or else, you're gonna stop resisting it. And you're just going to be there with it and accept it, and then it's gonna not bother so much. Life is full passing.

That's just the nature of it. There's physical pain, and there's all the other kinds of residents that hard. Have The quality of our life depends on how we react to the umbrella. The more we resist it, the more we're going to suffer request of it. So when you have a payment meditation, it's an opportunity to work on that. Now my advice is that you do your best not to move. And when you need to focus on the pain because your attention you it keeps being dropped away to it. Then you focus on it. For... you know, for as long as you can, you try to you just ask yourself what what is it about this that makes it painful?

Can I just relax and accept it and I be with it and try to learn to do that. But if at some point, You realize that that you can't stand it anymore. Then of course it's all alright taboo. But move mindful, but the thing that you'll build I'm sure you've already know this, but not everybody got. And that is that if there's a discomfort and then you move, it relieve it, but only very, very for a very short time. And that into the same thing it comes back some different handcuffs. And so you move again.

And that relieve it again, but not even for as long as the first time to. Until after a little while, you constantly rebooting. And that's just that's just the way of work. So you're better off continue to look at the discomfort as an opportunity to practice not resisting but accepting it. And learning to deal with it. If you do that, you reach the point where you'll basically be be free from pain at least the worst sources of suffering in every aspect of your life. You won't you experience. Pain is the way that you used to and where the most people too.

What's that? Sound possible for. No. Question yeah when you say acceptance, the other one we resistance. Now, what kind of mine i? You can see that we just and then acceptance. Okay. The network reaction, there's two problems. What is the you identify with it. You say i I am in pain. By me or driver I think I got identify with it. And the second problem is there's a very strong feeling. I don't want this. I want this to go want this to stop. I want to do something to make this stop that's resisting it.

So it's identifying with it is just. To counter it and you want first of all, to be objective and say, oh, there is pain, not not... I have an but there is pain in in the way. And examine this the quality of this pain as I described before. That's the first thing. To try not to say, all of this is my pin. Now that's relating to the second part. Because when you know when the pod is there, either very my leg hurts then the next falls after that is I wanted to stop. I want to do something. I I need to change something.

I can't stand this server. And so that's really resistance comes. So the resistance is related to identifying but you start looking at it objectively, then you can start also replacing the thought. That... Okay. Are you the thought I can't stand this as a I need to do something and replace those thoughts with us. Okay. I'll just be with it. I'll let it be there. I'll watch it. I I won't I won't try to make it go away. I'll start having thoughts about how I wanted to go. What happened what you you said, okay.

No happened. I was sent the whole says pinch. Is that acceptance? If you... If you say to yourself, if you say to years yourself, Something like, even if this lasts for the whole, I don't like. I'm not going to... I'm not going to resist it. That's... That's that's not resistant. You're saying even the last for, that's alright. It might not be true. It might be that at some point to say okay. I really the can't say but But the attitude the attitude that that I if it wants to be there for the whole time, it can be there for the whole time.

I'll let it. That's the attitude of not existing. And it doesn't even matter whether it's not true or not. It's true that the moment. So in that won't. You'll know that you're succeeding in this when the paint doesn't bother you as much. And the surprising thing is that sometimes, it just goes away. It goes or it just becomes another sensation and you say oh. Well this just gonna us some sensation, but it doesn't bother anymore and then you go back to the breath. That... You'll know the yield has succeeded.

That takes some time though that it takes some practice. But that is the place that you'll get here. So Cc, the question this is very pretty typical have sensation such as Yeah. Now have suffering. That's right. Okay? Most two is in the independent fact. Tools. But in order to turn the pan a sensation into this suffering that you need a something between. Sell. Yes. Yes right. And all my response determine how to that exactly? So you you think i attachment you are you did. In any way, they will the sensation or the pan period to suffering.

So the there's way become neutral. Yeah. Become. Because becoming. Yeah. The said I don't mind. It's not insured because he was. You say hey, don't mind is not better? No because if will make attachments. So you are an. Okay. You may touch. Acceptance. And. Is that right? So the best way is mutual data independent depending independent my to see what it does happen? If eventually turn to the pen, then we see how the suffering intact my my to just neutral to watch. Right? Is this uphill is this Otherwise.

How otherwise we tried to stick... And and if this is the way, to tier with it, which is... When he saying a certain or resistance. But every people maybe every really got interpret in different ways. That best way is a neutral. Watch my awareness to watch the relation between and the suffering and just between This okay? Yes. Well you're saying to skill to do skill. Tell... If if if this is okay. You have any idea I think well that meant... The the skill we're talking about is is called echo. That's right.

K. Yeah. So when you're... When if... If I'm gonna say, I don't mind. That's what I would think Of was been neutral, but different people would interpret in every range. Right? But it's neutral in the sense that that you... You're you're not trying to get rid of it, you're Not trying to hold on to? It's just... You're you're you're being company completely natural to it. See. And that's that's what is. That's not not not grasping. Not clinging, not pushing away in not version. It's just... I completely neutral reaction it's not not reaction.

Because it's not react. No... Yeah. It's not react. No. But it's... Yeah. Because the the reaction The reaction is really problem yes. Right? That's it because the the cc, the the pen from the body, when you meditate is is is not too complicated. Because in real life it's more complicated. Turn the some kind of feeling in to suffering. That's right right. This body pan is more simple. Yeah. That you can know how to deal. They they pretty skill. Try to to see where any people has this kind of experience skill to share regarding how to reaction.

Well, meditation is practiced for daily light. And so if we just look in terms of pain, The wonderful thing about any meditation is that goes a way like that, if you, you know, if if you decide that you can't stand anymore you stand up, and it's gone. Right or you moving it's gone? Whereas in real life, you know, if you have an injury or if you have a sickness or something like that. You can't make the pain right. Exactly. K. So it's wonderful to have an opportunity to practice and meditation of dealing with pain.

Because the the the pain... Is is just... you know, it's just the to practice on. That's all. Whereas real life, you you don't have the same control over. The same thing is true of everything else. In your life. All of the different ways that at least in terms of our negative reaction, so we resist that do we dislike things, but we kinda angry things. That we patient and right or that or that we experience suffering because, you know, mental suffering, because things don't happen the way we want them too.

Those things happen in meditation as well. All in a situation where you have complete control over. In meditation you get restless list in meditation, you you can be screens the dissatisfaction. All of these other things. So That's the place to begin your practice at recognizing. The first thing is you have to recognize that what do see your mind is doing is creating a problem. It's like when you first look at the pain, and looking at the pain positive to get worse. Now you have to look at it to understand why that's happening so that you can change it.

And the that's the first step and everything else when something happens in your life, that is emotionally painful or disappointing to you. You you have to recognize that it's not the thing that happened that's the problem. It's the way your mind is reacting to it. That's the first thing you have to recognize. And then with those skills that you have learn while sitting. Then you can try to let go of that reaction. And sometimes you can only let go over for a moment for a few months. But when you do, you'll find the suffering fred and you.

Is gone as well. So you worked with it. Now if you waited only until some major, painful instance happens to the near life. You might find that you're not really prepared to deal with it very effectively. So of course, the best way to develop this skill is just like working out weights. You start out with a small way. And then as you get stronger, use a bigger one with the same thing that you be mindful aware of your reaction, so all kinds of little things every day. And you practice on those little things recognizing your mind's reactions that are that are creating the problem causing some little bit of suffering the dissatisfaction.

And then you practice letting go there. Reminding yourself up. I don't have to do this. I don't have to get upset. I can all that. So you can practice on the little things. That what something that comes so on. You'd might that that you have much more skit and being able with the dealer. You say hadn't did it go, has been they what. Well, what to see to... And okay. That's a a good question. What does we mean by letting it go. Okay. The main thing to let go on is the are the ideas and the beliefs that you have that are causing you a react that?

And I fundamentally if you think about it, what something goes wrong in you're life. Can you begin to get upset? They're use, i sort of belief that that's the only way it could be you know, the the the nature of this thing assessed anybody could be get upset about. But first I'm not signed about, question makes me happy was like anybody unhappy. But That is a that's the belief that you can't do anything about your emotional reactions. And that's ultimately. But gets a very deep seated. And so you have...

That's what you have to begin by working on. When you let all of that leave, then then then the the belief that you can't help feeling that's right. Then that allows you to work on letting girl the feeling. By looking and saying? Well, having this kind of reaction is not helping the situation. It's just making me feel worse than the situation that's already. Creating more problems, than situation already thoughts. When you can recognize that, when you see the For example, when you find it. Okay.

Getting angry is just gonna to spoil a whole rest of my day. Then that makes it easier for you to to look at this and say, well, do I need to hold on to this angry feeling I know that I don't have to. And I can see that it's only going to heard me more if I do whole month it. Yeah, you have the opportunity to let go of the emotion. You look at the situation. There may be something that you can do about the situation. That is productive and useful. And letting go doesn't mean not doing that. But it means not being attached to the result.

You do the best that you can. You do whatever it is that you can't do. But you stop resisting what is. Because most especially you stuff believing that you have to suffer because of whatever is this how. That's where the vehicle and go. So probably the series tour the apparently the australia. Truly pen feed. Yeah. Same. Yeah. That's right. It's exactly the same thing. You start off you start off with the belief that pain is something outside of your mind and your mind has nothing to do with it.

It's my body that's causing the pain. And there's nothing I can do about it. The first thing you'd have to do is to discover is that your mind is involved in the suffering. The body is only producing the sensation. The mine's gonna everything else. So it's exactly the same thing. You have to you have to overcome that conviction. That you're you're convinced, this is true. So this is why you have to experiment pain. Exam thing. And work with bank, until you begin to discover that, yes, it is my reaction to it.

Then that week of believe that there's nothing you can do about it. But that's what... I mean, everybody had when they have pain. That's the belief that i realized the suffering they have is well I can't do anything about this. And of course some people they'll listen to me talk and say this. And they'll say, I believe it. There's nothing I can do about. I have pain beforehand. Once I got pain Drive. And it's natural to believe it that. All I can do is say, please please try to work with it and discover that that relief is not true.

Then when you when you get past the relief, then you can see if you can change the line's towards itself. By then annual experience the difference. It is exactly what the buddha taught when he taught with between four noble truths. The very first teaching that he gave. Was? Was this truth about the relationship between pain and suffering and that all of our suffering comes you know, the second truth is that all of our suffering comes from great. But by crane we being desire and very. Which if you think about it, that means wanting things to be different than the way they are.

Not accepting the way things are in the moment right now. And instead, resisting that that's the cause all suffering wanting something you don't have. Not wanting when you do have things like now. And so when he gave his teaching, Part of the second truth is that when you discover that you have your suffering for any reason. You look to your mind to see where the craving is where is in desire and where is the inversion that is feeding the suffering. And when you can find that, Dev, you let go. You you you identify it and you'd like to go of it.

And when you do that, you'll find that the suffering is. As as I say. And as the buddha said, it will only end temporarily maybe just for a brief moment. But the more you do this, the deeper the understanding and the conviction will be that if you could stop all craving, all suffering would start. And that's where you move to the third trip. The complete and the craving equals the complete in of suffering because all suffering rises. But you have to convince yourself of. You can't just hear somebody say it and then stop dreaming.

Because I mean, the the the the natural resistance we have to think is so strong that it needs to be worked on. You need to you need to learn to recognize it and you need to let go of it. You need to like go over and or again. Until you get to the point. Where you're you're totally late at that step and you're ready to too. But they're truth. My release. Yep. Okay. You you ready have question? Oh go okay You ask good questions. Okay. Let my my I think has a question. Okay. Well, not really a question, but it seems to me where this is kind really is this idea of going from pain to suffering basically another element is this idea of of a self.

Like, that's right, you know, I'm the one who's in pain. I'm doesn't want this versus just oh was just in mental. State popping up. Going away. That is exactly right. And that's why in order to deal effectively with pain and suffering. You need to practice being objective. Because long before you reach the point where you have realized the truth there is no self behind us. Long before you reach that point, You can still work very effectively with our unpleasant emotions and sensations and things like that.

Why taking an objective stance not identifying with them. So when there's fear, if you think I am afraid, you're paralyzed penalized. But if you think fear is rising it, maybe you look at objective like you have a much greater possibility dealing with it effectively and not being overly overwhelmed right. And it's true. Absolutely every emotion. That identification with it is is at the root. And as the Voodoo taught, Desire and inversion always are connected to ignorance. And what is the address?

The ignorance is the belief yeah that we are a substantial separate as so. And then we live in and a world that is independently real and is the way we perceive it to be. That's that is the address. And so to achieve the final cessation of creating, to to achieve the final cessation of grading, you have to overcome that address. That's where inside practice comes at. You gain insight into. You gain hit side into cell. You gain insight into the fact that so long, as you believe, and the self you think you are, you are going to suffer.

And those insights bring you to the point of recognizing in a very profound deep wet. Deep deep in their heart. That I am not the separate myself but I feel like I have. And when you have that realization, then craving no longer has the same power it would be. Desire in the version don't have the same power. And now you're well on the way to the permanent and craving, which is the permanent end the suffering. But it's not like you'd have to wait till that. If you can start in this spirit moment, like not identifying with your boots with your emotions with your pain, and how instead separating the sense of eye from those things, leaving the sensor and the sen is still there.

But leave it somewhere in the background and just deal with what's actually happening in know the moment rather getting into. I have this. I have this. This is happening to me. And and because that's that feeds that feeds the craving if feeds a resistance. That feeds the sovereign end. So you were ready to have something off. Yeah. Yeah you we're talking about a second tooth. Yeah. Yeah. Five fine. We cannot identify it. No problem. Okay. Second that. The second truth is that when you suffer... There crazy.

Okay. When your saw is because you're. And you're talking about... So you need to identify you my fucking new credit info Usually, we don't know how for. Because for no reason because... Because we... Know we we we we able. We we are able to identify like like like as you as we discussed the. The way we response truly the pain. The only way we deal only way to respond the turnover to be become the suffering. Right? And the first payment is to identify that to did this is not the only way. Yeah. No.

This not only be did. We have another choice for, we don't have any idea or experience to cut off our. That the same situation part is you cannot identify the plugin claiming. On the the the stage. Is way can... Well, just in your... It's it's something took. That not too complicated. Because it's it's something that you have to... You you do have to learn. And you'd have to... you know, if if there's a kind of suffering and you're not able to identify the the craving that's behind the suffering.

The the good side, you might have think this is a good time. But the good side is it's suffering will continue to be there. So you can keep looking to see what the craving is until finally you can understand it. And the more often you do this with more different kinds of things. The easier it's going to be for you to see the creativity. You you you know, it it is a skill. It comes with a practice. The other thing that helps is to to understand better how the align works. So if you if you study buddhist teachings and you listen to wise teachers who know what they're talking about.

They give you information they give tips and ideas that you can use to help identify the different kinds and create it. Because when we start off, the idea of creating we're not sure exactly what it is. And well, we know what... We know what greed. We know the lust is. And we know what he is. That's clear. But we don't not able to recognize all these other more subtle forms of training that are also very. Because we have... We we haven't thought about them. And so they're to us. They're Not very very good it.

So through through good teaching, we gain a better understanding and then through continuing to look into ourselves, we'd be begin understand the whole these software form. So create better presence. Because what you discover is that there is almost no moment during your day, where there isn't a sub degree of some form of trade. It's that's it's it's so much a part of it. But initially, it's very different difficult for difficult to see that. So. Sim speaking is important to understand. That the give a craving moment.

Yeah. Okay. That's very important that you only believe to respond. Whatever situation to become this suffering, is not only only if... If you realize it, is is it seems you're already on the right track. Yes. So to pursuit. Even you would don't identify for identify photo credit is okay issue you on on Right track. You're. That's right. Meditation. Don't have a. Okay. Such training because after all, there's nothing more simple that sit still have what's your breath? And if might go somewhere else He just telling bring it better.

What can be more simple than that? But we we when we send out to do with they get very complicated and very difficult. So it's good way to train. You have ask yourself. What am I doing this making this so complicated page It's so difficult? Issue it's been reasonable damage on control. Yeah. That's. That's right. I have a lot of name to to the to the body. You know, And try to protect in these very dull easily damaged and one day is gonna die. But the thing is spine to clean up be time focus my my attention on say by and also the cream for the bottom this lesson.

Feel like, you know, for rich for sharing kinda, I I certain ideals going to with my life, but then this is still, you know, clean different kind of ideas of of of myself. Know this is... I clean on the body, i clean on tune this idea of you know, my understanding. It just seems like it's just kinda of, like a like it's is is is there any way that we can gradually free ourselves from these kind of clean because any kind of claim ultimately still cost stuff. Well, it's very important that we try to free ourselves have all these different starts with cleaning.

And The first thing and as as with well here we just talking up. The first step in anything is is recognizing that it's there recognizing with the clean media present. It's very it's like the clean for for life to discovery across. For, like, a one little finger willing to do a lot of protect little things. Yeah. Alright Yeah. But At the same time. The clean or life is gross, but at the same time, you know it have uncertainty that that this body is gonna die. Exactly so. And you know with absolutely certainty, no matter how you try to protect it.

It's going to become old and it's not all these diseases. It's just it's just the fact. K. And our cli to it? Is a denial of that fact. Our or an attempt deny you know, the the clinging to the body is the and that the the coming to life, comes from the desire the wish the craving to make this not true to deny it. Can you see what Yeah. It's like he's saying you wanna believe inside class. Yeah. Like, was a wonderful story. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, you go the green lengths to prepare should protect this one little finger.

Which might even cause you to do things that are are harmful to other people seriously harmful to them to protect. Yourself, whether it's your the your body or your idea yourself your ego. This is this is what happens all the time as that. We're willing to to sacrifice all kinds of things especially other people for the sake our bodies and ourselves. Right. But the only reason that we're willing to do that is that we're in that place of trying to deny the reality that detail we know true. If we take the complete other tech and say, well, I'll take the absolute best care of this body I can't.

But I know it's not gonna last. And I know I'm gotta fail it. Yeah. And all I can do is is is is what's most reasonable. Then you don't have anywhere near the saying? Comp associated with it. And Strangely enough, you can even enjoy the things that happen to this one. But the the negative things that happened to this point. I also so I think we gonna enjoy that this friday. But but you can you can take a a completely different attitude. I enjoy. I don't mean that that, you know, if you have a disease that any failure in the disease.

But yes if you're not resisting it, then it is what it is. And it's it's the reality of your life, and there isn't anything else, but what's happening right now. And so we're totally with it. A new experience with fully. He analyze a little bit further on the resistance because you know, for each reasons is is not because I don't believe Been... It it's not because I believe that i'm gonna it forever. It's just I don't like the have them and i i I don't like this that. I think you're sick. Right.

I don't like it but I know it's it's going to happen, you know, the i exist. So so this resistance how do we... How the we differentiate it?? Well, I wish I can give you some magic simple form to automatically if you persist in this practice and spelling the right, if you keep doing the and here's gonna you know, I know you, and I know those the things you're doing are the red things. You're going to come that place. And the funny thing is you will get to that place without even realizing you've got the place until something happens.

I'll tell you a personal story. Two months ago. February about. I went into emergency I might app severe Abdominal Bank. I have app for that week. First thing I'll tell you is that I didn't even know how to severe the pay. It turned out that I have an an intestinal obstruction. They say is one of the most pain things that the person can have. I didn't know how painful it was. Because I just looked at him, and I relaxed with it, and I accepted it. And so, you know, that's probably why didn't go to the hospital for all week.

Yeah. Emergency here. But, anyway, I went to the emergency. And they did a cat scan. And they said you have an intestinal instruction surgeon terms says, I want to operate. And he said to me. What I concerned about is that you've never had a abdominal surgery before. I said, why that? He said because most of the time, when somebody has an obstruction, it's because of scar tissue because they had a previous surgery. And if it's not that, it's almost always mali wait. And, you know, I said, well, What kind of a he said, well, could be melanoma.

It could be certain... I'll listed a couple of other things. I just to teach pathology. And so I don't know realize that I recognize that one we're telling me are they're the worst kinds of mali that you can have. And I also remembered that yes, cancer almost never starts in the small intestine. And most of the common cancers don't even spread through the small intestine. The ones that do are these really bad ones. And he said, I think that's what I'm gonna find. When I go in. I think I'm gonna find the...

You know And he said, so the decision is up to you, what do you wanna do? Have the other thing is that I could always for years. I said, I I never had surgery anything like that. Well the found surgery or you know, if hypothetical a lot somebody told me you have cancer and have to have surgery at. I'm mind just you know, go ahead and and have surgery. But here I wasn't exactly that situation. I never telling that to nancy the faster things like that. Well what, this is what's happening. You know, there's people I care people who care about me.

There's no choice. This is what's happening. And my attitude was it was calls like this is going to be an interesting adventure. Know. so I'm gonna go out the surgery, you know, i the surgeon set. Depending on how much the intestine we have to remove, you might have a estimate. You know what that is. That's where... Yeah. Panic from the outside because ke to go it. And so there was for several hours, you know, nothing to think about, but when I wake up front the surgery you, I turn out there I have some of mali.

Id even have an os good bag hanging out my belly for a waist any anyways to went too. But I discovered at that time that I didn't have any resistance to this. It was just Okay What? Well. And it was good. Because otherwise, when would I have that in those few hours before the surgery may there on clark and worried about it. And been afraid of this is that? Or it instead. I have this blessed wonderful experience of just... Okay. This is the way it is. We're doing the best thing that we can. There's no point in me saying going on that.

I can't. You know, he said it's your a choice. And I said, it doesn't sound like much of a choice to me. No. It's it was the only thing to do. It was there was not this... You know, I didn't have to think about it or worry about it. It was just it was just obvious, and it was already. And as it turned out after the surgery, it wasn't mali messy. And of course, I don't have for bad pain. So it's wonderful. That's like. I have this deal sentence, and I discovered that it was not problem. And that I got this reprieve.

So now every day I have was like, you know, it's a bonus. It's a good right? So, you know, that... That's where it goes. That's that's where it goes to. It goes to the place where, you know, you can function optimally and you don't get devastated by things that happen to you. And you don't be kinda overwhelmed by her option. No. I I use it lesser lesser tech each, but I think about I'm less afraid of death. Because I i know very you a more important month. And and and therefore, you know, I'm not afraid of it, but then is still an idea of playing on it.

Just a deep understanding of of. Well, it's... I I don't feel so separate from. Everything else. I'm, you know, there there is a wonderful pull. Very often. The kind of thoughts right have for that. Because just that everything is perfect. And i I'm part of. There's no reason to fight against with the assistant. Everything that happens that we might look at I think that it's bad. Is actually have the deepest level. It's really it's really perfect. And if we understand that, then, we're not fighting it.

Virtue comes into it has sort of an automatic result of that. When you realize when you realize the interconnectedness of everything and everyone This... You know, virtue becomes odd back. Anything that you would do which would be harmful to somebody else is, like, doing it to yourself. You know, Would you would you do something? Would you of your nose this by your face since there's there's a same that goes they come up in knows spread face. Leaning with referring to a totally ridiculous act. That's what it think becomes like to be behave non virtuous.

Would be totally ridiculous thing can do it becomes... It's just... It does make any sense in aren't well. So virtue, Vi just automatically comes out Yes. Out of a deeper understanding of the way are. The more... The the bore you deepen that understanding. It's not just intellectual understanding. Because you can read about it and you can think about it. And that's good and that it's helpful. But it doesn't make the really change. The really changes with cuts as a result of understanding it and at the deepest level of your being, you know, in in your heart, just knowing knowing this trip.

And then out of that comes well and compassion and virtue you automatically. Right just like a just like a gift. It's there. And do you said everything is prepped sounds like a hundred percent contentment in your mind But then but then, you know, I think for you is perfect for the rest of this is not perfect at all because it's a struggle, you know, people I mean, ninety nine on ninety nine nine which some of people don't like but i. But still, you like mine life is still full struggle. But I think it's just...

My attitude for struggle is different. The struggle is perfect too. I may up and understand. You know, and I don't. I can't say, that I understand how everything is perfect. It's just... I know that it is. So I know I don't need to buy an against. I know my job is to be the best I can to do the best that I can and every month. That's my job. That's the only thing that I have to be concerned with is to do the very best I can And at tomorrow it turns out that what I did is not good enough. I don't need to be upset because I did what I could.

And it was perfect to do what I did. So therefore it's perfect that things might not have turned out the way I help they would. Makes sense? Expect So if if things don't turn out, yeah. He doesn't that's a good to respect. How that perfect that the reason why everyone struggles. Well, see that's that's what I was trying to do to this point is that because things don't turn out the way they expect the the way that I expect that to. But if I know, that I was doing the best that I was capable Then it must be that to be it.

I. I just need to keep on doing the best but I can deeply me best that I can. So first of all, you would have to know what limit is. Yes. First of all, because everyone expect my best would be better than well i know what expect that that's true. And part of our problem is that we place the expectations on ourselves. We think I should be capable of doing this. And then we're in that situation And turns out we're not capable of doing that, and we judge ourselves. But that's not accepting the way things really are.

The way things really are is that we all have limitations. And on the one hand, what so important is are the one hand? You always do your best. On the other hand, you excel that your best may not be good now. But sometimes, you know, because of the lack of and the and the have emails of the responsibility. If you make them mistake, sometimes there's huge consequences. There will be to tens and thousands of people then because of the same ways example all somebody who's he's writing it down and then, you know, used some mis misinformation the burst and Right.

Thousands of people kids, you know, get killed. I mean. I mean, this person then best, but then it's is still very tragic. So that that person because I see it that person has two options. One, they can be so overwhelmed we've built it they commit suicide. Or the other is that they say well, I did my best with the damn failed. So now let me do my best wherever is possible to help with the situation that now exists. Didn't keep on doing your bets. If somebody... You know, it's a very traditional thing.

Yeah. To pam, for example that if you're in charge of the down at breaks, you know, you should... Is... But does that anybody? What it will do is you know, if someone has hatred in their heart. I think well is responsible. And you do that, and then they feel satisfaction. What they're doing is is, they're harming themselves. So you if you I think, that in that situation that you've committed suicide. You'd actually be making a possible for all those people who blamed you. To harm themselves by ind and by by taking dissatisfaction and your your.

Well what the the option for these people is to eight to take for the rest of their life. I mean, he wore. They just get, like, really fast inspection and it's over. Coming about. Well, I I don't know how to weigh those two options. That's. Yeah. Sorry. I you do. Yeah. So as far as I could go with it is I I don't see anything scanned or I... I blaming it yourself. Like, if if there was... If you did something, and there was a failure because you say, you know, how read you You didn't use the proper materials affected people seriously.

Then you do have a responsibility. Right. You have a responsibility to do whatever you can to make that. Right. And perhaps you even have the responsibility to to... Admit to the people affected that you were the responsible and that you you did this thing. But at the same time. What's what happened yesterday, is over and. It said concrete he and can't be changed. Yesterday is gone. The only thing that we have... The only thing we can work with is the present. The president that creates the future.

So no matter what you did yesterday. Unless you've got a time machine, I you can't go back and change it. You have to look at him and say what can I do now? And even even to your last draft there's is probably something that you can do. That's good. And bad that. So that's what you should do. Well just... Well, probably it's not a good add analogy edge, you know, in a legal, i wouldn't going back or i in a present time, know, or going into a feature changed the text. Now what I mean is that wouldn't says that and there's no fact only rules all my scores, but No.

I host that true. Yeah. That the everybody has their own truth. Yeah. And And the fact is that we can't do anything about anybody else's truth. But we're totally responsible for our not. So I I mean that i'm the in in like under situation that well, if someone is what you honest? Or what I that didn't doesn't kind of or twist or change or something. Sometimes actually hurt that person. Yeah. So in situation, how you deal with with yourself? Or how yeah Well, if somebody does, something, better hurts somebody else.

You know, they do have a responsibility to do whatever they can to make a answer and make operations. And that is part of their personal truth. They can deny that. And I think in the legal system, that's what it happens. People deny their responsibility and they try to refuse to do rather than dealing with their own personal truth. And so even end up with different people with their different versions of reality and you have to bring in Know a judge to decide who's right now lawyers to make the best case for side.

But that wouldn't happen. That wouldn't be necessary. If if people have I I create your sense of virtue have if people well people could come from a place i just simply saying, But I need to do the best that I can do in every situation. You can do something that hurts somebody and it's not possible to do anything all to i do that. Sometimes that's the case. A person without penny to their name cause damage somebody cost ten million dollars. And there's nothing they can do about that. But the point is that you can't change the paths.

This person while they're alive and while they breathing. Kinda try to be the best person that they are capable and do the best that they can't do in every way. And that's the place I'd like everyone to come to. Would do wonderfully. We would live at a totally different world if everybody came from that place. Don't you think? Yes. Yeah. Cloudy medication for for you to make sure you try your best anymore. Well, this gets to We're now getting good support noble truth. Which is that with right view, right understanding practice of virtue you and your life plus the practice with notification concentration that Mindfulness for.

You can reach the place where there's a complete association creating. You can make these kinds of changes and yourself. How that works? Is in meditation. Developing the ability as you know to being aware of your mind and your reaction is actually happening on at the moment. You you you come to know that you, a very direct way. And that leads the right. First of all, it leads to what we call Monday mundane does. Right? You you start to understand better? Who you are? What you are and your relationship to the world?

And that alters how that all syncs dramatically. If you're practicing virtue, like the pre stuffs, and the practice of the... These are just guidelines. They we get to the place where virtually comes from outside of us, These are the guidelines to follow so that we can act as so we already have that degree at Wisdom. So... But the more you act though you already have that degree of wisdom. The easier to get becomes, to understand the way things really are. You know, if you act if if you avoid harming others and taking what's not freely given.

And any sort of sexual or other misconduct into your relationships with other people. And if you avoid any sort of wrong speech, that would cause harm to other people. If you do those things, your acting has a person would. Who has the wisdom of understanding that we're all interconnected. And that anything that you do that violates those pre steps is actually harming yourself as well. That makes it easier for you to see this true. Because if instead, you were doing things at harm others. You're taking things for your benefit that are true to the got detriment.

You know, if you are... They feel an abusive in your relationship, all of these things, the only the reason you do these things is out of your ignorance, your attachment to your own sense of self and well. Your own desire is in the versions. Every single time you do one of those things. You're reinforcing that ignorance and you're reinforcing those comments for craving a desired version. So keeping the pre cells and practicing meditation is transforming you every day and the kind of person you are.

And it's a gradual transformation you might not even know how much you've changed until maybe you sit down and compare where you are today with the when you used to be. Or you compare the way that you react the situation with the way deals. You asked to situation. And then you realize how much you've changed. But these things, these things change you bring you to a place where when you hear the Dartmouth teachings, you know that you you know the truth, you know, I just have truth because you've changed in a way that that now these things are becoming audio.

Then The ultimate thing in meditation is to come to that place where all of these insights come together and you have super Monday mundane. Yeah sorry. You have. You you realize and a profound very, very profound way got this whole sense of being a separate itself is totally in illusion. Have that the the idea the way other people are in the way of world is that you've been carrying around in your all this time. Is just a projection if you're blind, based on your ideas and conditioning experience, And that becomes really clear but that becomes really clear.

Then then you become transformed her much deeper rate. It become you become I already i become somebody who's on the paths and enlightenment street training about Is a technical question. That that in in a sitting patient that use still and the breath that you observed, it's not a different, just a normal breath that... Yeah. Well, so it should not take that different? No. Yeah. Should not right. Deepgram. The the thing is to just let your body breathe naturally. I mean, all day long you're thinking about other things in your body reads naturally.

So as much as possible you wanna just let your body breathe naturally. But if you have... If if you feel the urge for a deep breath, If you felt that urge for a deep breath while you were playing golf, you take a deep breath. So, did you feel that urge for a deepgram why you're benefiting? Take a deepgram breath. They're just absurd say oh. There's. There's a deepgram. The only thing that you don't wanna do is too. Deliberately try to control your. So because that's that's artificial. Advantage and this something is definitely pretty natural constantly changing they what wrestling longer or rest a little shorter, you know, And so you can practice just being the objective of observed earlier prep.

Which is practice for becoming. The inject the observer of your mind. And of lot. So try not to move try minimize. Yeah. As far as your body just trying to just just trying to be bill. And especially tried to discover the the the wonderful aspect of being still. They're wonderful lesser of things still. I know when you first started set, there's a lot of pain. But at the same time, when you sit down, you will before the pain comes or even in spite of the pain. You can appreciate k the the beauty and the call of that's the a with body.

And you wanna do that. You wanna be aware of that. Then one you have to vote, No you have to move. Sorry right. Just like. Yes. Well, this is not question. I just want to see our would people feedback. But on the meditation of the observing police, cover said my charm experience. But I can't remember when I was really young. Like Oh what I'm bleeding and my store market up and down, and I will nine on the bed and just moved look at my store. Oh just feel like what is it that four?? Why i still have the moving?

Does it... Okay. Hold on I got, please. I only good. Why when we was... Young. We was we have that kind of nature of it's not or the thing, but after we go out this do. Yes. Yes. Absolutely really true isn't it. We we lose their appreciation for the most obvious basic things. Like just briefing and being a win. Yeah. Terry I didn't need a little bit the story that is told about one of the meditation teachers and time are and everyone which one, but they had a Western that came and complained. He says, I don't see what the...

I I don't see what's whatsoever for about the breath. Why are we spending all these hours and hours living at the breath with set? Multi ground. Yeah. The graph is it's wonderful where i didn't connect you with the whole world kicking in inside of the world and heading outside of the world, it's spreading through your body and keeping you alive and guess thoughts Very basic. Okay. Well, we gone over overtime. I always still over time. So I'm sorry. But I thought it was a very good discussion as well.

I didn't mind right over now. What I like to do now this, you might need to stretch you might need to prove the washing whatever. So do that. And we'll sit together until nine o'clock bill again. That's forty two minutes for now. So we'll just consider that the meditation begins now. So if you go to the washer account I just come in quietly sit down. Sit together.

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