The Mind Illuminated archive

TCMC 14 April 2011

Automated transcription

meditation practice. For whatever reason, anxiety and. And the way that I manifests is I keep deciding how i'm meditating. Oh, try the notes for a while to go to the belly and now Try to feel the whole brand but the bull. And I'm pretty sure that underneath that. There's some Anxiety about what? But that's my way of moderating the anxieties like switching around. So are you... You see are you consciously aware of anxiety in your mind or are you interpreting from? What are you doing? So, This is what I do when I not need have you.

I I found it there sometimes other times it's frustration and dull. So I guess, sometimes that because, yeah. Patience frustration, those kinds of things go make a person. Do exactly right you described and it keep keep adjusting your notation practice you trying do. I have any different difference that. I right? That idea something that works better. That's job was an expectation. Yeah. Right. And yeah. It's a subtle sort of difference between. You have an intention and a determination. But you, turned into expectations then.

Make something happen particular right? So to what degree do you think that is? What's going on? Said. Let's say pretty it's not supposed to be possible to find the object. It's not supposed to be possible to stay with it. It's not supposed to to endless than. Well, It's not unreasonable not to be able to save it. Because that bad is. That's something that's going to happen until. Your mind is trained at the point that that rarely happens. So you you know, you you don't need to put an expectation on yourself that that peter not going to lose the theology.

Instead just having the attention. That's really practice you're gonna get the device for you off there. That... That's an illustration of the difference there. But you say you have trouble finding their object? Well, if they do the those. I sometimes, just can't seem sense anything. The thing is, like, I don't know exactly what's happening when I just let go that and as you instructed sort follow and breath whole thing and then try to, you know, the beginning middle at the end of that... At some point, I just Stop that.

I guess I just I'd have to go back and we'll and find out exactly we'll line and start. But know, Well The one thing that you really shouldn't be here? And feel free to speak any of the rest of your your experience, you all had a lot of experience. If you keep changing what you're doing? Right. And and you're not gonna get... You're not gonna make progress. They do chicken object. know, it's a paper location wouldn't. We practice trying to get flights that we became can twice being. Adam Stick with that.

Give it a really serious... I I don't need just during one step but you know consistently over a period of time. Can this difference by fine tuning things constantly trying find something works better. Yeah I probably just it's i have a really strong from other stuff I've done with the practices pursuing like, if there's tension if there's kind of all sort of going off and you're pursuing that. Letting it know the object then it's just related stuff that. Well. Needing for like, drove that. And that...

You know, that you're actually doing the practice. If he and you just did you choose an object your desk to stay with it. When you find yourself doing something because of the practice you used to live or average, nothing at and just bring yourself now. Get this tension your body, do let go knows it. But you know, don't into the side. It only takes that long to recognize could be tension of my shoulders and Say one more. So what seems to actually be happening is I'll start with an intention to do the same thing.

And then that intentionally we have seen what that i'll sign the something else with the rest of the time. And I don't know quite to stop. It's so. Yep. Watch the process? How can there's the there's a huge? Experiential insight way to happen right so Who is it that starts off with one intention and few. Stuff see. Yeah. And that's really what It's all about. This is really seeing what you're doing. Of the whole plan practice trying to practice in particular ways to discover what happens instead and to figure out why.

Yeah you. Yes. Something you'd start to happen where when notations going well mh. In hail stems to flutter mh. So the yeah smooth, but. Yeah. It? I don't know if like when you have that response maybe in clear or anyway. Do you know becomes It's lost smooth. The Tl becomes it's lost it's smooth loss hit smooth. Yeah. It's flutter yeah. So... Why is that happening The the other way you can ask question is why doesn't that happen for the accident as well? Which is Let's put this way. Kia. Are you inhale this letter that the end here.

Are you aware of something that has actually always been every year notice before the enhance the case. I I feel like that. It's almost always starts after being aware for vibration nature yeah. Often visual form but not necessarily you're then credit. And then when I am just comfortably tried to sit with her and don't do anything about it, then then filtering ring. Sounds ricky repeat. You mean. I mean, you never. So you what seems thing you can explore you? If you're if you feel like there's good possibility to your counting or where, there's something that's always been present.

But you hadn't lately been very. Or you I shouldn't say have been wearing for... Just happened multiple times. But they are not usually rare, Then you go the other question okay. Why i know aware some you similar with. And look to see if indeed there is nothing like that. Happening with They over pretty. Because usually, the sensation is on the ex scale not i pronounced there's a a front. Sometimes, Mean it's different periods. I mean, recently some... Sometimes they the the system will be on the engineering sales and most obvious, and then other times other days it won't totally switch me.

Well, what I was stating at is hit my experience. The sensations of the are are are more distinct and it's easier to be become aware here those statements in fact are not smooth. Then it is with the lesser extension sessions of the cash bill. So what I would suggest that you pursued with is is the question that are you proceeding is Are you perceiving something that's part your ordinary reality, but escapes perception nor wood? And to place forward for the answer initially just to see excuse me, still look more closely at the actually see if there's a there too.

And... Yeah. I I like here where slider. K. Because if we're if you're talking about the experience that I think you are that's that that describes you really well. So very rapids yeah. Stopping. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah. Just to expand that This is discovery. There's you're discovering the nature of your mind. You discover the nature of phenomenal experience. And of course the sensations of the breath are continuously changing process. Phenomenal experience. So this is in the process of discovery, This is reality.

This is what's really happening. Your mind does various things. In the process of creating the reality that you normally know. But in your meditation, you will enter into states where your perception becomes so much more a acute that it normally is. It kind things. That normally with getting rev. And as you as you develop, skills and meditation and the different power of your mind. You will you will discover things that that you would have never have guessed before i nobody everybody else was ever.

Perhaps told your gone. So when something happens in meditation, approach to is to to experiment with. Export invest more thorough is a father of the engine let's see if his lawyer mute. Ask yourself the question. Is this is this happening you know, the physical body or this is happening my mind? You know, or what's the relationship, with between whatever it is happening and I body the brothers I mind like different possibilities and particularly example. Maybe be the contraction of the respiratory muscle isn't.

Sure very batch. Rate. But maybe the parsing of experience by your consciousness is producing a effect too. It could be real, but it could still have update arrangements. So you are you are the research scientist discovering the true nature of reality. Why we can't at? Yeah. However, it presents it itself... Okay. Yeah. And people have again a like kept talking. So it was just a question something. Practice. Yes. I'm coming to a flight and sort of way i in the sit where and we'll lead from the sensations in the nose to the whole body.

Mh. And I'm feeling as if if let's see if I can explain it as if Where it's taking me is just becoming the becoming the breath. Mh. And it's almost like that's where it's at, but there's a barrier. And and I don't know I wonder some sometimes I wanted it too much. And so that's what's including it. Do you know what I'm saying? I I I hear what you're saying. But you ask your question. Is it... Do you think it's because you're wanting a much screening computer? I'm not quite sure. Well And also the other part of the question is is that sense of It's almost like it's almost like, I need...

I need to drop something to... Yeah. And I also my body sw. And so it's almost like I to drop something to become that movement and that breath, and and that'll be the steps to the next stage. So you're you're still doing that. Yes. Having a lot of movement. Spontaneous want it. Yeah. It may be that that those two things are, like, the fact thing still how the Spontaneous movements happening. And that you don't quite it is why a really deem or or whole sensation with the that. So. Have you hasn't been any change recently in either energy sensations in your body or in the in those?

Movements. Yeah. Okay stable for a long. Maybe about three months if she the energy moving in your body, especially the. It's subtle. So, but it primarily is the movement where the... Yeah. Conversational you might want to focus a little more on the the actual sensations of the energy movement in your body. Just you know, still being still being aware have you breathe in terms of the changing sensations But do you have the sense of the energy sensations are related to the ground? If you're watching that dress on the whole body do feel, the energy sensations are linked to them?

Yes. Yes. We'll pursue that. Because yes, they are to them. And so so you're still observing. The sensations of the breath and the whole body or part whatever part body you're at but put a little more emphasis on we this part of that goes connecting to that see it see if that doesn't change because even three months would nothing changing. I to do something good. The the changes in that sensation that I'm at to bring of something and that there needs to be letting go and you know, Yeah. Yeah. And and you hold idea i just here one by on too.

I chance i'd writing and go. Have the intention. I don't the intention. I mean, even if you don't know what way go means just have the intention to let. You're holding on or something, that you're not aware have the intention to let go. Some point or another. I thought that to really... In the process of trying to stay with meditation object. For longer. It seems that by giving my mind kind of a bunch of ways of engaging with it. I could keep it there. Longer. So for example. So what I found worked pretty well for me.

For a while was to some degree accounts reps, you know, and kind of do me threes. And then, like, every three or six like, every round here too. I would kind go from just experiencing a whole breath to say, like, experiencing temperature sensations that it would sit out. And then I'll go back to the whole breath. And then maybe I go to, like, pressure sensations and I go back. And they like, vibrate five sensations. And then so I constantly engaging with meditation object but it's by, like, shifting it up and having somewhat regular intervals.

It kind of kept me... Because even if I'm, like, lost it for her breath, when I three, you'd be like, oh on that, you know. But I'm also wondering if that becomes too much busy in the mind. Does sound pretty busy. Right. Yeah. And what you really want to do is to be able to sustain your attention without needing to employ Correct training. Yeah. Yeah. So... But it's it's all already to do things so I that out too. Can help you as long as as long as whatever you're trying you're you're learning from And alright.

And you continue to turn the right then you? Leave those things behind. But, yeah. You you need to engage your mind with the meditation model because, you know, there is It seems a part of airline like can be unconscious part of your mind. That is its job is to decide. When you pay attention to one thing log enough and if do something else. More important more worthy or work whatever to attempt to. And it releases the attention. But that part of your mind, Although it happens in unconscious level good response to your conscious intention.

You know, so just intending to keep your attention on something we'll keep the mechanism from releasing your attention, quite so? But if you're actually engaged doing something, and you're trying to notice a particular kind of sensation, but temperature pressure and things like that. Then you know, it's it's like being engaged in any task. That part that mechanism in your mind keeps the attention keeps the attention in place so that you can do this task for the conventional. So there there is a benefit to be derived.

From any consciously generated intention that helps you to sustain your attention longer on medication object. Your training that mechanism to to be more responsive to deliberate intention. But at some point, you wanna get to the place where you don't need you don't need that kind of get.

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