The Mind Illuminated archive

Stronghold 10 April 2011


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what we usually do here is have a little discussion session first before we dedicate So I invite anybody with any question or anything on their mind to please speak up. My question is, how do I free myself from attachments. I free yourself from an attachment. Well, there's a number of steps in the process, but the very first one had most important to begin with is to recognize where there is attachment what you're what you're attached to. In the moment, not sort about a general kind of philosophical way.

But when you are actually experiencing emotions and thoughts that are the result of your attachments and went in that moment. That that's your opportunity to see a aha. This is This is an attachment that I have... And this is the effect that this attachment is happening on me. So that that's really where it begins. And from from the point of recognizing about your attachments far. In in general, what we can say is is whenever those attachments come up you're going to experience some degree of discomfort dissatisfaction disturbance of what would other otherwise be, you know, i I a content and happy state of mind.

Although sometimes when our attachments said before got agreed that's not so obvious because we're all wrapped up in the thought of... If we fulfill our designers all of the because you're gonna have. So but if you if you look at it more closely, you realize that just to answer into that state of desire, is to have lost the state of peace and contentment. But them there's is a a method that the buddha type. You know, he he pointed out that we create our suffering because of our cravings a desires and a attachment.

And that if you could recognize when they were pros and and specifically doing that by recognizing or something is disturb with disturbing your in a peace of mind. If if when you recognize that, if you could just let go of that attachment of that creating. Even for a moment, they would immediately experience the relief and the release that comes from that. And that has a strong effect on your mind to do that. Because even though he only let over for moment, even though it comes back. You know, it makes us imprint and and your psyche that you'd be you'd be better off without that.

But the other ways that other methods for helping Us too not only recognize but like go over attachment, keeping those pre that we just went through. That's that's not A set rules to follow like the can commandments. What is? It's a set of practices. To hold those in your mind. And by holding those in your mind, you know, and for example, one of them says that that not to take what is not free to give it. Which obviously needs not go stealing things from other people. But it has many other shades of meaning too.

And if you if you just keep that in mind has a preset. As a training rule. And actually, I just point out that we translate it into pre in English, but i'm more accurate translation of the original poly that it was formulated and would be training rule. Rather than preset. Because that's what it hit that's the practice. So if you keep that in your mind, then it will help you to... It will help to reveal to. All of the different kind of subtle attachments that you have and the way that that desire version arises in the way that they disturb your peace of mind the way that they lead you to speak in act ways that contribute to the unhappiness of others.

So practicing, the pre is a very a very powerful tool for recognizing your attachments and get any of the opportunity to let go. Then another method that Dub buddha recommended and that he said he practiced himself. Was that? When you recognize that you're having thoughts, that are tainted in one word and another by desire of version an attachment to trying to recall what the opposites opposite mental states and the opposite kind of thoughts be to that. And if you can't And of course, when really strong emotions kind about a really strong desire version present you won't be able to...

But if you practice this, you'll eventually that those things will be become not so strong and it'll be easier to do this. But if you can't, if you're in a place where you can, i only let go of those un hold attitudes and files. But at the same time, consciously and intentionally try to generate the wholesome counterpart part to that. So if you're experiencing Read, for example, you're about to snatch the last brownie off the plate. Just use a trivial example. If you recognize all that's my attachment requires may you do.

What would be the opposite? Well, would be it take this and offer his money to somebody else. Know So it's a little things like that. But the little things lead you eventually to be able to deal with a much bigger things more effectively. That's just sort of a small summary of the methods that are inherent and most practice. Doing that Thank you. Do you have specific... If you have any specifics or or anything like that I think it is a variety, and I try to get into it when it is about subjects, that I don't wanna let go on.

Yeah. I thought that would be the easiest with ten to practice. No. I found out it isn't. Well, the there is a a really important psychological principle. You know, which... If you try to suppress or resist or overcome these these feelings and attachments by force it will. Mh. It doesn't work. As a matter of fact, what happens is is you resistance suppressed now and it comes up again a little bit later, your resistant suppressed that. But you know, that... At some point you exhaust your will willpower and i didn't used to come.

And the resistance hasn't really all of is is you can momentarily drive these things underground, but you haven't you haven't changed anything. Mh. So rather than rather than trying to drive away something like that. It's actually far more productive to just... If you can't observe it objectively, not identifying with it. But i just just i'm observe they all. K. This is this is what's there. This is what I'm feeling. Not trying to deny it. But of course. To the degree that you can what you might say or do after it.

Of course, you should... you know, obviously, he should do that. Right? But instead of saying, well, oh, I shouldn't feel this way and and trying to try to make it into something different. Observe it mindful. Mh. And i'm absurd, I'm observe the... A think that has are how it makes you feel and your body. I'm how how makes you feel psychologically. I allow yourself to be fully aware of the consequences of the speech in action that might flow out of it. That will all have a strong effect weakening the force behind these.

Where where, you know, there there's a saying that sometimes repeated what you resist persists that. And that there's there's I saw did hear of truth and that you need to keep that at my when I was talking about the buddhist practice of replacing hud holes and thoughts for the whole part. You know, that becomes appropriate. When you are actually able to... You you've already been able to look at and dis instead of saying, you know, I am angry your i'm am she'll desire or whatever whatever it happens to be.

If you can say objectively there's that emotion arising. And when you can succeed and saying, but it just let go, but and you are able to, like go but not suppressing it. Just you let it be there and it just kind of evaporates. That's the point. That now you're free to reconsider the situation, because it wouldn't be involved another person and it was generating anger And this is the opportunity to see what happened in a different light and perhaps instead feel patients understanding compassion for the person right anger is that?

Helps north. You're welcome. There's so many varieties of attachment that like whole life How you want things to be? And that's that's on attachment. It is that where things happen one way and you wanted them have another way and then it makes you upset. That's attachment. Expectation. The expectation can you expect You... Yeah. You expect something to happen in particular way. And of course, you've done it to yourself. Right? You you created you created the circumstance in your mind. But that this is how I it should be and this is the it is.

But I don't wanna accept that menu feel, I do feel bad about it. I'm mean I think i sort of, like, you know, when I really young. It's like, keep give away all your things. Oh, I'm gonna be not a attached talks. So. Okay. Then it turns out that really get made a alarm walking. By another. Or something that there's like, you know, kind of a false sense oh, I'm not attached that. Well you know it's almost like silly. Well, it what it is is, yeah it's an attachment to an idea that causes you. Behave in a way that doesn't make sense, You know, right.

Do you have this idea that, you know, I am going to be this wonderful, non attached person is sort of hitting the agenda and anybody that recognizes that's gonna admire me so much i have so myself steve because I lost through the world i I'm not attached. So here take my alarm clock. And then, of course if you can't get up and time to go alert. But this attachment is attachment to people we love there's attachment to all kinds of things that are pleasurable enjoyable. What's the hard that attached Yeah.

What is her in attachment to people that you love When is it a harmful thing? Well, when. When is it become obvious at it's time? Creates this Increase. Creates this harmony things are not. Migrating. Right. Yeah. But if you're an attached to somebody else, I think this is what you're trying. If you're attached to somebody else mh and that you have a disagreement, they get angry at you you know, or do you feel rejected by now? I they decide to go off with some other friend instead, Dan you realize.

That's that's the downside of the attachment. Or were they die? Guess when you think it's going to break be permanent or bring masking satisfaction or less and we can elastic. Happiness or satisfaction. When we need forget, that it's imp and un status on some level. Mh. Yeah. That's on on the one hand, you can see that to be attached to anything is to sensor yourself up for pain if you lose it, or something happens it makes you afraid you're going to lose it. Or put you in a situation where you feel like to...

You need to right to hold on to what you're attached to. I mean, all of these things are kind of obvious. You can see that that said any form of attachment even even when it involves loving someone else or loving your job or lending where you live or anything like that? You're setting yourself up for offering that is is related to the loss of that. So that's one that's one aspect of it. What we often don't realize is that the the degree to we attached and clinging can take away from the satisfaction that we experience.

And those things that we well. Oh with that. When you're completely una, then the totality of your being can embrace. The person or or the job were the place or or the experience of the moment, it kinda embrace the experience for the moment. Totally, which means that whatever enjoyment and satisfaction it affords it's this is going to be experienced to the greatest degree possible. To whatever degree there is attachment. There is some part of your mind that knows that the experience is going to add.

Or fears that is going to hand and not be repeatable or that whatever it is you have the lost. So to every degree, small or large, there is a part in mind that is in that space of attachment. You are not fully present with you're not even experiencing has and with with as creating degree of satisfaction. As as you can. I mean typically the degree that we fear death, we cannot experience life fully. For that matter, to degree that we fear what might happen tomorrow, we can't experience life today, fully.

So there's is this more subtle aspect of attachment which i the flip side of that is the flip side of that is to the degree that you can let go of attachment. You can more fully embrace whatever experience that life brings to and whatever happens. If you if you don't have expectations, if you don't attachments to things being in a particular way or being able to to hold on the things. That is going to be much easier for you to flow with what happens and be totally present. And experience it fully into to the extent that being a alive, being conscious, and being able to experience things.

He a positive thing. And you're going to be able to embrace that or fully. And doesn't that have something to do with the i mean i that we talked about too Well, yeah, that's that is the the the root of. I mean yeah. Alright I've I've spoken about that many times. I'd be happy to hear somebody else talking you. Like why trading and attachment? Are rooted in the notion of being separate self. Okay. They're too many topics. That's right. I wanna hear it now. And then there's the other side, for example, with my parents claim.

They are kind of my attachment? Yes. And I feel like I am there attachment. Yes. And being their attachment makes me really uncomfortable, and I think that as part of My gift truth. Alright here. My guilt. You're to go. The feeling that I have twelve them. Oh, yeah. That is. That's a very common kind of dynamic and especially between parents and and children. That they're attached to you and you in entire feel responsible. Mh Right. That price that your heart blue you in this direction, and they think you should go in that direction, and you have a conflict.

You have you have guilt. And it's a their attachment to you is is making you unhappy because you're responding to of chris that's because your attachment to them and you feel like you you want them to be happy, and you don't wanna be responsible for the. Mh they. So all of these dynamics present So how do I bring myself from that? I mean, it's really uncomfortable and and ties me down. And like, I can't fly because I I I haven't found a way yet to deal with that comfortably. Well, let's like that is a good...

A good example. I think that's specific. So What you have to do is to examine and as I said, the the attachment examine objectively identifying it and and allow yourself to become more fully aware of the totality of the situation. I mean, this this attachment perspective sort of focuses in and it leaves out a whole lot other things. And you wanna bring those other things to do it so that you can I'll allow your mind to to start to shift. To the degree that you're just narrowly focused on the idea that...

Well, I'd like to do this, but if I do, then they'll be unhappy. And you feel you. The laundry picture is that has has a variety of components of everyone his for you to be to be the best person that you can be, leave the best life, You're not you you may have to do things and go in directions and make choices that will disappoint your branch. Mh. And that's that's the truth When you are identifying with the guilt and the feeling of responsibility, then that's just kind of a vague notion that doesn't quite really enter into the mental processing of the moment.

So you've got to or separating yourself from the feeling of the guilt and responsibility so that you're seeing your needs and your responsibility to to be the best person that you can be. At exactly the same from exactly the same perspective as you see the your attachment and their attachment and medical dynamic. It's thought about it's not so much about what at an intellectual level you understand. Although you can use your intellect to make all the different facets of the situation as clear as possible.

That's a good thing to do. But just understanding it intellectually that, well I need to live my own life. I can't I can't based my behavior on the needs of somebody else. It's just the intellectual understanding of that the most that you can get out of that is you can through four it will power alter your behaviors temporarily, and subsequently experienced strong feelings would be the arising out of it. Instead, if you just just allow yourself to be as fully conscious and aware of the reality this reveals for this understanding.

That will penetrate down to these more primitive parts of your mind that are driving this whole thing. That are driving go and everything. When do you do that? It doesn't matter if you still do something you know, and initially, you may still do things to please your parents. That doesn't matter if in the entire process of doing that. You're constantly recognizing that... Well, here here I am behaving this way. I don't need to. I really shouldn't... It's not really a bit man but certainly not to mine, you know, even while you're doing it.

Because the work is being done at the deeper level of your mind that's gonna payoff later on another time when you'll you'll choose not to. And you may still have some arising of the same feelings in our conflict. But not not at all to the degree that you would if you just had made an intellectual decision and we're forcing yourself to be a to to to ignore these other their feeling. And that's alright. When that happens you examine that in the same way. You say, okay. I'm having these feelings Please kindly join that.

Did you say to yourself? Okay. I did what I felt I is best for me. But now I didn't experiencing saving he's feeling. And if you can examine that whole and plug the same. Perspective of about a wisdom. Then eventually it's gonna have is going to it's going to you from from the comp so arise out of these attachment. Now there's another part of this too. You might look at your parents attachments and you might recognize so, well. To the degree, that I can make them aware that they'd be better off not plugging to these ideas, I can make...

I can make them happier here in a much better way than I can by trying to do everything the way they want call time. So that that's sort of moved you to whole the level of had skill for that speaking was with skill meets. And more skill you become. The more successful you'll be at at communicating that perspective in a way that's actually helpful to them. Mh. But you know, this is an example. Just one example. All of us our lines are filled with these situations where there's there's an underlying dynamic that keeps pushing us to to speak and act raise that aren't aren't really in our best interests.

Or for that matter anybody else's. Know. And so it's just it's just the one example of what the there's so many of these say per eight i have, part of the dissatisfaction we experience in life is we go through our daily life. So much of the time on automatic pilot, and the programming behind the automatic is that sort of thing. That set of shifts and should not and and guilt and desire, and I don't like that and all that kind of stuff if. So an example, you know, if we knew how the buddha felt about leaving in the middle of the night.

And he was really following something that he had to follow, which was totally different and what was expected of him completely. So what do we know about how how he looked at that from compared to what you've just been talking about? We we don't really know very much at all. But when he left home, he wasn't in enlightened india. And he had been groomed to take over his father's position. This was the time in India where they're all they're all these little minor victims. And it was always war So he saw himself in to be in the position of being responsible for the well of his people.

And having to make war with other local groups. At this time there was a lot of conquering and combining taking place and so the water was were or was pretty much constant. You know, he might have left just you know, they attitude. This is not for me. I've had enough of this, you know, We don't know. I guess what I would like to know how to resolve that later, what came out of his patients that talked about that? Well, Well he did later, happened is enlightenment he went back all we again. And his ant racism him and his wife who he abandoned and his father everybody else.

What we can tell we did exactly what you would expect which was to try to make him feel really bad about abandoning them out and everything out. And One one of the instances that is recounted in the sutra situation is that his wife said did son Rahul, go give him his inheritance, you know, basically saying say you walked away on and you you you you have no consideration for or the well hang of your family and your son unusual kind of guilt trips or anything. And the Buddha have. Okay. Went dangerous who a.

Keep this inherited. Okay. Which of course? From his experience. Who found his experience? Yeah. Which Initially, obviously upset Mother and everybody else had family but what's very interesting. Is before he left, his father and his wife and his step stepmother all of these people took pre steps and began to follow his teacher. This is a skill nature part of it. He was able to come back with his own clarity, and and actually succeed in communicate communicating. To these people well enough, but that they do about trying to guilt him and instead became followers of his teaching, that's pretty impressive.

So they saw something. Yeah. That in that made them be able to accept without bringing the past into it. That's right. There's not a lot of details provided about that. But... And throughout the same there's a lot of other teachings to one degree or another bearer on that. There's one sutra where a woman her child died and because we had this reputation of being a holy man. She brought the title to the buddha. And said please, can you bring back to life, you know, sobbing and everything? And but rather than the saying.

Yes, or no. So first, go to every every house in the village and and locate one where obey has lost somebody to started. And the woman eventually came back and realized that that this is the nature of white we all everyone dies and we lose the ones that that we love. So there's a lot of different teachings in there where he's pointing out to you. There's one of one particular where he says to well somebody is to create your own future suffering? And he's he's talking about this sort of love that involves attachment.

He's not talking about more more pure una self love. But that to love somebody in a way the that creates attachment is to create your own future suffering. So so those are the things that come to my mind that... So if you live here life with integrity, that will lessen whatever way you been taught to feel about doing something different than what In the road. And a really important thing when we're talking about relationships with other people have like with with parents and things like that. Mh.

You need a lot of compassion because there is... You know, if we feel bound to our parents have then we try to liberate ourselves from that binding. There's a tendency to do, well, you know, what adolescent young people in suck. They'll they'll get into this rejection and they'll even try to to to be hurtful in order to make that separation. There's a tendency to do that. But I'm ordered mature point of view is that when you realize that you have your own life to lead, But to do... To do whatever you need to do from a place of understanding and compassion.

And compassion doesn't nec to sacrifice. Your own well. But compassion has tremendous influence on how you go about doing it and what you say. And also how much of your how how much of yourself you're willing to give and why? And to degree to which you're doing it is is out love and compassion equally for yourself and for the other person. So compassion needs to come into to any separation. If if if compassion isn't fair, then we re resort to to producing a certain amount of pain in order to bring about the separation and it's not necessary.

It's not necessary to to cause paint. And of course, the other side of it is it's easy two. Say, oh, I need to be compassionate and forget that you need to be equally compassionate to yourself as to anyone else. It's not a question. Denying the need your own needs in your own well being for the sake or somebody else. But compassion is is what's best for everybody involved. And so, you know, be compassionate for your parents. Well being compassionate for yourself vehicle equally compassionate for the vote.

So then you're not you're not sacrificing your own your own needs for their sake, nor are you causing them any word and happiness or dissatisfaction? Well, strictly speaking, you're not causing them any distraction dissatisfaction at all. You're doing your best to minimize beyond happiness that they'll create for themselves. And if you can make Them aware that they're creating their own happy desk and how then perhaps they'll choose not to do so. Yes. Hi. Hi Welcome. Thank you. We had a little testing millennium.

Red bird pest the window this morning. And after Mary left, I had made the decision not that he kept coming to the window and trying to get in after wearing left. Yeah. What came to the bedroom on and just kept trying to get it in. Finally saw that maybe this was fine for nature that this is place I need to be this morning. You really believe that that are higher powers aren't that i loved ones i'm passed along grieving the lot of a sudden, I'm going to run to tomorrow I move too. Take my father through the final stations of his life.

I just got the phone call. And they detached on. And you think that it were true, but I just... You know, the sign so they come nature. How do you feel about that? Good. Could you ask me more specifically, I'm not quite sure what you're asking from. A little bird just kept coming to fly window today. I hadn't changed that. I mean it's my. How do I feel about? An incident that happened that caused you though you decided not to enter to come here to change your mind com. Well, you mentioned some other greater power.

And Yes. I I do believe can't that that people think of it in different forms. People call it god or there's many other names. And there was ways that people think I do not think of it as something outside out of your yourself. I don't think of it has a separate that that power ema eliminates from some sort of separate empathy. Some being who you are not and who is not you and who somehow wiser and his somehow manipulating the universe so that that these signs and messages will be sent to to be interpreted.

I I do believe that we all have what's called a in my tradition of buddha nature that our own true nature it's the same nature of the buddha and the white being. Or another way of thinking of that is that we all have within us. The defined nature. The that in fact, the experience that we have, of being this limited separate individual is just an illusion. That our true nature he is this food in nature of this divine nature, which possesses Infinite wisdom. And that being the case, some other being or forrest or power doesn't need to manipulate the world and make some bird say.

How can I keep wanting to go in this window? I guess it's not need some seeds just so that you'll get the message rather. Life provides infinite number of opportunities for the wiser part of you to get the message through and say, you know, rethink what you're doing. Or reconsider or take a new direction. So to my way of thinking, Who knows why the very was flying in window, but your own buddha of nature, your own divine nature, whatever it is your own inner with. Took that as an opportunity to to guide you.

So that's how I understand that. But, you know, that's just the point of view. That's my point of view, which for kinds of the reason we're the best for me And anybody else's point if view... It's still whether it works better for help. It is quite fine too because all that's important because if the to whatever point of view you adopt works for you and produces a good and wholesome factor result. Did I succeed answering question. So I'm glad that you came And I hope that some of the things that we talk about will be helpful to you.

So you're leaving tomorrow, your father is dying. Is that correct? Right. And sad, as it is. And it it's a wonderful opportunity for you and your father. And there's so much to be like president. I don't know about your relationship with your father. But ideally if father teaches us all kinds of things because they have more experience. And so as children, we relied on our parents to provide us with guidance. What your father is going through, you're going to go through. So this is your father's last great lesson to you.

And and there's so much that you can by from. And is also so much that you can give back and exchange. So so this sad it is is it wonderful opportunity. When you were talking about you know for example, parents and I see how I take responsibility in my life things that are my responsibility allowing them to choose not to make themselves help rather than I would be making someone on unhappy they're choosing for themselves and i'm nice and I see a lot of places where you know, I wanna hold that responsibility rather people's happiness people's choices.

When the way, you know relationships are working. Situations to unfold, So there's no conflict vision not one pleasant. Sounds back very comfortable. And we have this looking at now. I guess that attachment that I have. Somehow being a person who can control... Other people's choice or other people's relations. Situations are happiness. And it's just interesting give a a bit more understanding of that problem. You say being clear my own life and my own cap, and it seems often when I'm trying to control the way things that control other people's.

In relationship to me that I'm almost it's disrespectful long ways said I'm almost I not creating opportunities for them to grow and in out things your comments? Well, the... You you see we can. If we if we are currently selfless, we can lead our lives in attach your way that where we're being a service to other people. And that's a good thing. But it requires to wisdom. If you're going to be a service to other people, you have to know what's really good for them. Right. And a lot times what people want?

Yes, that's really good for them. If you are only... If if you're if the only effect of your action, is not only to temporarily satisfied someone else's desire and attachment but also has effective of reinforcing that making even stronger in the. And you do have to question whether whether doing that is is the best thing. Or whether maybe there's some modified pipe way of doing that that that's that's more awesome. At the same time, even if you are selfless, like the buddha of we assumed was totally selfless being.

But he had as much respect for his own body. And his mind has he did anybody else's and treated them equally. So So even though you're selfless, it doesn't mean that you're going to to do things to try to satisfy somebody else's and desires and need have at the expense of the well being of your body in mind, which is not the same as as attachment to your sense of self. It's just recognizing that I suppose you could say in the sense of the buddha if the buddha didn't take care of himself, he wouldn't...

He wouldn't have been around for forty five years to keep on teaching. And helping other people. So part of his fulfilling is his mission of helping others was taking adequate care himself, so that he could do that. So those are things to keep in mind that first of all, just because something is going to bring someone else happiness in the moment Doesn't necessarily mean it's the best thing for that. And it's true, you know, as S Davis said, all of the suffering in the world as a result i'm trying to make ourselves happy and all the happiness in the world comes from trying to make others happy.

So Why doing things for others, you're really doing the best thing that you possibly can for yourself. If you're doing it selfless. You know, if you are openly and freely sharing in your own time and energy and and everything else. For sincerely for the benefit of other people, you're taking very good care of your own your your own cell and you're going if you're going to have the seal of feeling a satisfaction of that But that's not gonna happen if you're in a situation. Where you're giving away your alarm clock and you have means you're not gonna be able we go for work in the morning.

Well, I mean, it could be a situation where somebody else's need was greater and you deliberately said well, okay. This is the consequences, but, you know, but it has to be there has to be the mindful consideration how the impact of what you do on yourself. And i'm having alarm clock waking up in the morning and going to work means you keep your job and allows you to help a whole lot other the people as a result of it. Give a second thought to getting later on back. I think that's often what what comes up for me is step, you know, the short term.

Short term happiness. Yeah. Obviously myself often but others as well. You know, not I'm not using discerning to to really get clear that this is actually supporting someone in a direction. That makes them healthy short term when really having more awareness of... Yep. Understanding that that I guess when are in treating in respecting my wholesome needs that actually Probably all the time that is actually reading respecting. Other people's needs more honestly then the very short term frame supporting and giving so Anybody have anything else that they want to mention?

I have some which like, that attachment right there is to the happiness of other people like when you What is the highlighter for you that you you really like, you know, you you're doing this not for them. But for you, because when they happy, that's what gives me the you know, like... Even if it hurts some But then you're not there, you're not there for that. You're are there for this height that it don't give me that. Oh, they're happy and I contribute. I like, oh, I'm tired. Well, Doing making somebody else happy so that it will make yourself happy is still hey.

A selfish approach, although it's a lot better than they said that makes somebody else unhappy. I have that component selfish. In terms of your motivation, what is the intention behind your act? At the surface level, he's say, oh, I'm gonna do this for her make you're happy. But the deeper level, is... Oh, I make very happy then I'll feel a lot better about myself. That is it still selfish. The fact is that whatever you do, that is good beneficial to other of people. Is going to produce mental pleasure and you.

And there's something wrong with that. Only the only problem of the scenario we just described is that the root motivation wasn't the well being of the other person. In which case our own happiness would just be a nice side effect. Right? But i yeah was it was what was right. And that's right. If that's where you are. If you're a person that is trying to make other people happy because it makes you feel good. That's where you start that's great. If you can bring to that situation wisdom them that...

Well, it would be better if I could be doing this for their sake. And it would also be better. If I wasn't so attached to making myself happy through their happiness, I probably would take better share of myself too. And I would show equal respect to to myself as we were just talking about as the other person to the degree which you're trying to get yourself a boost by making somebody else happy. You're very vulnerable to doing things that aren't good for you. Not beneficial for you in order to bring about.

So that's where that's where a person is and i can recognize where they are, and they can be mindful aware of it. Then that's gives them the opportunity to grow to the next level. So the principle is you always start where you are. And it does it... I you know, doesn't matter where you are. You start with the reality of who and what you are. And if the only reason you do things for other the people and make yourself happy That's fine. Accept that and see move beyond. But that's how know. I mean, you're...

You... Most people aren't doing things for other people to make yourself happy they're doing things make other people happen. Those people, it's an mixture. You get you get an addiction to making another people happy. Yeah. I mean, I I we describe some. Oh good. That's another breakfast so you know, both crazy. But they some extra in that. Yeah. You you you may you may be doing it partly because it makes you happy, but you know, there is a natural goodness and well and and and compassion kindness, you our hearts any rate.

So It would be only in the most radically driven behavior that there is a bad other party as well there Well, very easily So really you know, it's it's not it it it's like The two things are already there.

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