Awakening in Daily Life – Session 6 May 31 2010
Session 6, Day 2
Play the recording below.
Okay. So... Yeah just is there anything more that anyone would like to say about what we're where situation we're talking about further great. Yep. Yeah. How these are fearful. Now is that It's almost most subjective, because what I would consider a skill waiting might the different one new consumer sc way or let's say on thing I mean, like, dream example being say if if i in the decision to learn from challenges mh. Preventing from doing if I'm of course, choice but if I don't have that option.
But I am in position to say, kill him. While I consider... I think it might have to be a scope way what so for me is that I would, do that to prevent, you know, hundreds thousands of people from dying. But if i ask somebody who who's a massive obvious, and so we know because So you're asking about the form the skill means and pay. And we'll just before I answer that, it just make the slide clarification here that we can't speak of wholesome or skill fold thoughts and emotions and actions. And essentially, the sense which I was using it before was in terms of those that are defined for us by the Darn teachings.
So... Therefore killing and harming is not a skill action. Hatred is not a skill natural state or a ultimate natural state. Like cash. But there's... We use the term skill full too to refer to skill mains. And the situation that Tracy brings up is She says suppose I was in position to stop hitler from killing the jews. And or are suppose that somebody loves different people, might attempt to do that in different ways. And this is where we talking about skill full means. When you see that something should be done.
Can't be that needs to be done. But there are more than one possible ways to way to do it. And skill full means is going to depend on... It's been on your your own wisdom. And so you your your actions may be more or less skill. Depending upon your own the degree of wisdom understanding imagination, creativity. All kinds of different things clint enter into it into the action you take. He's taking the example that you mentioned right there which actually is something that actually did happen. Hitler was not just...
He he was killing Jews and concentration camps and a very terrible thing. But he was also per a war which was killing millions of people. All over Europe and Russia. And there was a point where Certain individuals became aware of this. They knew that this was happening. And they saw that every that if this war continued for another year or even another month that the amount of suffering and death and destruction they was taking place all over the place, not just the number of people dying and the concentration camp, but all of the people dying on.
Battle feels all of the destruction of of cities and talent and everything else. That They said for themselves every single day that this goes on. The amount of of of suffering and death destruction is just compounded. And So these people made the decision to do something about it and the only the only way that they could see do it was to assassinate hitler. This is a really interesting situation Yes. Think the name of that resistance movement was rose. Yeah. There are lot people who actually do resist these this incredibly.
So... Yeah. So they they made the decision that well the only solution is to assassinate Hitler and they felt that that... This was under the circumstances, this was the only skill fold. This was the only means available in therefore it was the skill means. As it turned out, they didn't succeed. They made several accounts and yeah they failed. And they were actually captured and executed and even their families were executed. So it was unsuccessful, but it doesn't change the fact that, okay. We're asking question them.
There's different forms that of of action on their different circumstances and what do you do and it seems like the only course of action available to you is one that is also in conflict with these pre. And what's interesting about raising the situation is once again, it is not that the pre. Against rna and killing is some sort of rule it's a tool And so you have to you have to make judgment you have to make an a evaluation. And you have to realize that every act that you perform mental acts included and there's definitely mental accident associated in the process of thinking about this problem and deciding that well, this is what I'm going to do.
And so you make a decision to kill somebody. If you made a decision Kill Hitler. Then there are the current consequences of that decision that you take upon your yourself even if you don't succeed. And because once you've made the decision, you you now own the karma, whether you succeed in the action or not, it yours. Interestingly, if we see that in the the Jar tails, the tales of the previous lives of L buddha, there's something similar to this. In these stories, it's said that in one of the Buddha previous lives, he was on board shift that had been taken over by pirates so I believe it was.
And the pirates were going to kill everybody or maybe it was one pirate anyway. I can't remember the details, but what it came down to is the buddha. The only way that he could save everyone else is to kill this person and he was in the position where he could do that. And according to this story, he made the decision to do that. He took the Karma of killing on himself because he he felt that he did actually way he, but he did it out of compassion for the person who was going to kill or anyone else.
He would rather take the karma upon himself killing one person then to allow with other person, to take the Car of upon himself of killing everybody else on the shit. Interesting idea. Not exactly I think what we plot to assassinate Hitler had... You know, they didn't say well, we're doing this for him zone sake Correct. But I think what I see in, story, once again, you know, we're trying to interpret the this from our own perspective. And this story is offered as an example of school whole names.
So it is a situation where they buddha to be It's not yet to buddha it this time but the Buddha to the the Bog sat made the decision that the best force of action even though it involved killing somebody was to do that. So this... This says that that there is some weighing of the greater good against the greater evil. And and that that kind of waiting needs to enter into how we the decision we make and the choice of action that we choose. So It's it's an example where it... It's nice example because it's one that involves this sort of conflict.
And decision. And we can see that we are being told that it's not a question of blindly following rules. So therefore, because it's wrong to kill. Even though some all these other people. The other important thing about this story, I mean, up to this point, it's the same as he plot to assassinate hitler alert. Right? Greater good the versus the degraded evil and the only course of action available i mean have in either one of these cases either in the previous life of the buddha or an to sac hitler perhaps if there was some other action that was less violent available, than it would have been wiser to choose that.
And in this case, there wasn't. So it was just action. But where they diver is that the... I think those who were plotting to sis hitler were motivated as much by the the hatred or the perpetrator as they were by the compassion for victims, In the case of The buddha, he was motivated by compassion for the perpetrator as well as for. And so that's that is significant difference back. Now the more general situation, you will be faced in life with situations that are they take the form of a dilemma that there is not a a simple clear cut solution.
And so you'll have to make choices like that. And the choice you'll make is the best one that you're capable of at the time. You follow the guidance that was given that you ask yourself? What would the buddha do in this situation? And then you say what what guidance does the Da answer? And what Also, what would what would those who have practiced the our longer than I? What would they hurt that? And these can help to give you some idea to guide you in your choices, but you're still going to be limited by the degree wisdom that you possess at this time.
And you make your best choice, and you accept that and you might make a mistake. You might make a mistake. But the important thing is that you try to make it coming from the best motivations that you can from the motivations that you can and then you carry out the action with as much skill as you can. Back to one aspect of question. Sorry. I don't know your name. Feel. Let me let me just check were you going to address something immediately relevant we just... Yeah. Just about the story. Of the story.
Okay. So not idea. Oh, I'm just gonna ask you in the story, you mentioned that the Buddha had made a decision to to kill somebody. Did he actually kill somebody? Is this a is this a fictional story? Is this a story? This is If this from collection sorry called the jot tails. And it's it's a lot of a huge question of stories of supposedly buddha in a previous life. But scholars tell us that the majority of the stories existed before Buddha and they were part of... They're they're sort of, like, Microsoft's fable.
They are teaching stories that carried Meaningful moral principles. So to... And and that's how this should be taken. These other stories received the... They they were composed and collected. After the depth of the buddha and as I say many of the stories existed before the birth of the buddha. But they seem to have received the imp of the song the approval of the song at that time that these are stories that contain useful and valuable less sense So we shouldn't be concerned with whether it's literally true or not, but rather by according to the wisdom, the saga at the time these stories were approved, they would consider it to be.
Valid interpretations of of the dialogue. Okay. Alright. Yes. Yeah. So you wanted to address something do with Jared original question scientist. Talk children doctor that on the break. During that discussion and question for very cold. He said one particular take, but I think we'll away. Clearly, which was some basically... Well, you know, when this thing occurs, you know, there's this sort emotion that happened, you know, Adrenaline rushes. I mean, you have this reaction of the emotions. And so he what are you gonna do about that?
And it reminded me of the last paper tree we were with Chi us, and he addressed this in the way we're very hooked to me, which was to really differentiate between the emotion itself that it rises and the response that comes after. And this point was that i get this one. Up his point was that In that moment, when that emotion arrives, that's because of all of the conditions prior in the car prior to that point and you you could not have prevented that because it's based on what's all before. So that you emotion a occur, you and you shouldn't feel bad about that emotion occurring what it's the right result of everything just came before.
But then once the emotion had the wrist, through my. So you can say, okay. I have some choices now. And I can react in english Or I can take some time calm down and think about it and trying to react based on a better motivation than the anger itself. And in fact, you'll have a better result he'll respond more effectively. If you are able to step in and put that space in there or you can think about it. Mh. And pull on my trick. The way I give it remainder is I replace it with regret. I over. When I feel bad.
To show. I got rid of my anger. I turned it into regret. So, you know, that's what I worked on. I've kinda put that space. In there so where I did not... Generally... When you responded you're over, I think that's it's true for me. I think it's truth for me So working to put that space in there. If you do that enough time, this is another very important point truly thou made. When you do that I got times, you are conditioning the future. And eventually, you won't even have that emotional response or the initial emotional reaction.
Will occur because you have ignored it enough time you are successfully able to ignore it enough times and build a new cabin directive. But that's later. Right now, just try to put that space so you're not re reacting to the emotion. Itself Yeah. I I think that's very quote region. Basically, it's like just so don't shoot from the head. Yeah. Big happy though. It's weighed a little bit. But of course, occasionally me if the knee is absolutely urgent should strip there and then think about it later.
But I understand what you're saying. It makes sense. Yeah. I have an example. I don't have that i me many that I have spam to share. And I just recently read with the magazine They have a repo. And they they have the... There's special drugs. They used the the pap in law enforcement. Mh. And if we would take that that that drops, they will make you angry and make you feel like a justice hero and some some allow your host mails. Great population take does here for duty because they wanna get right on the fair or something else whatever reason.
And you always end up with a over overactive and very better result like mh some to aggressive something like that. Yet. So that... So something you based on the emotion is always another right right actions. Oh, yes. Well. That's the. Terrible thing. Yeah. Yeah. It's very very very very bad things happened on. Our so society yeah. Yeah. I I like people. You know, they have people wandering around in a position of power and authority especially if they have guns and clubs. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably.
Yeah. Yeah you really want them as clear that it as possible. Michael. When it's necessary, sometimes we need to use his called force. And there's some very desperate situations. Yeah but know, how do you anger it it makes a small rigorous, you know, the blow pump more bigger. We would like five more. Yes. I guess those things can be rails with without ever, you know, negative at Well like. Right? Because athletes zone. I don't think this person's same. Very great. Got agile. We could do i'll way better than he's upset because he could thinks the Gui acts very skill set of just merely responded.
Being Yeah. I I agree with that. And certainly, I know marshall artists don't benefit by having the emotion. It's is very harmful for them to have the emotion when they are in their competition. But you know, on on the other hand, ordinary people that are put on in uniform and given a gun totally to go out and fight a battle. They always they have to develop hatred for the enemy because it's the only way that they can do it. You know, horrible. And then of course, they come back and their severity damage psychologically because the experience that they've gone through.
You should we should give board number one. If we can't do that, we should make calls all of our soldiers into the martial artists, so that they don't have to get don't have to kill themselves with nature. Yes. I think we can make up a lot of scenario. But I would like you you give us some guidance with maybe done. Yes. They live, when could been counter not war now they don't think that very small things for daily relationship or something happened you know, we come anger or anything. I appreciate near the reminders us again, what's the last we retreat mentioned i would actually see if you can give some kind of a substantial guidance, once week of whale the angles here.
Okay? And my observations, sometimes take a little time even though maybe in that moment, okay, as should come down, but steal that emotion kind of, you know, separate energy just go to the. Okay. There's any suggestion how we can effectively get. If any any anything maybe we can practice, you know, one more be for? To and then we can It's what I mentioned before, but also it'd you my own experience where I found to the most useful is. And now I think what we're talking about is the fact that...
You would like to have the mindfulness so that even though anger arises, you can't keep yourself from speaking and acting out of it. But it's often the case that we don't. You you've already said something and it's too late to take the back. Or you've already done something. Now what what I personally in my experience, and I I did go through that. I mean, I I don't get angry anymore, but there was a time when I got angry quite a bit pretty east. And that was exactly my problem. But what work for me gives that?
As soon as I could, And even while it's still angry, you know, But as soon as I could have that mindfulness and reflect on what I just let it in imprint. But... Okay. This anger, how does it feel? It does not feel good. It's not pleasant to be angry. Look what this anger caused me to do, you know? And just not analyze it, but just saturate my awareness with you know, the the un uncertainty ability of the anger and and do it as soon as possible. And then the other thing that I would sometimes my anger would not go away or, you know, like, go away and then fifteen minutes later you start thinking about it and, you know, it comes back up again.
And so, you know, I made the whole thing into a dha practice. That... Okay. This anger, you know, where where within the is this is this counting fun? To see. Okay. There's there's hurt. Well, you finds anger always stems from some kind of or or injured injury wheel or proceed. Sometimes it's not even real realized funny thing about it. But your mind is holding on to some password. Anger always has to do with something that's already happened. And it always has to do with with something that hurts but it may not hurt you physically.
It may not even hurt you in terms of your your property or things like that. Often. All it's hurt is your ego. All it's hurt is your perception of how somebody else regard you or your idea of who you are and things like that. And so my anger would make it really easy for me to look at that because when you're not angry, you say my ego, my ego what's my ego. Mh. You know, It's kinda hard to get hold of it. But when when you're feeling offended? You're angry because you're feeling offended. Your ego isn't naked could.
It's easy to see. Yes i. Okay. Now. And so I I would look at that. And then the other thing... And this is really important is to to try to replace It is is to try to replace the anger with something more wholesome. And that's a really important thing to do. And the thing that I found easiest, most often was just to recognize it. This person is already suffering just like me. And even though my angry mind sees them as, you know, sort of smart superior. They did this thing and they hurt me and they got away with it or, know they whatever it.
And you know, the way their mind works. And it makes the person you're angry at, it doesn't make the person you're angry at look like a a week, sal suffering, unfortunate being deserted into Karma. It makes them look like some of needs to be punished. Right. And so whatever the person whatever the situation is to try to see it more realistically. I already knew that everyone is everyone's suffering in the same word. You know, that first truth watch is the life is suffering, and people are creating their own suffering.
And The really important principle is nobody you would never hurt anyone like to anyone, take something or someone else's. Except that you are a suffering being and you are in an ignorant way trying to ease your own suffering. And you realize that that's true absolutely everyone out there except for the buddha and the buddha aren't going angry up. So everybody else, anybody that I get angry at, their true nature is they are an ignorant suffering me, and they are making they're making the states.
And so they're chapel to see them in this more changing lang true and real way. So... But the effect of this the effect especially as soon as possible of just shining the light of mindful awareness. Along the situation and the results it was producing. The effect of that was was that That space was there a space made it itself. It it is a cardiac action. That produces a current result. And this practice of mindfulness. And it's a powerful car reaction. Most of the time, we justify our anger and we tell a story that makes the other person at fault, lane worthy, etcetera, etcetera right, etcetera, and then return our away.
And what I'm talking about here is doing exactly the opposite looking at what's really happening. You know, see say, shining the light of mindful awareness. You see the way that the way that it appears to me is that i'm just part at my mind. That I was not conscious of. But that had been conditioned by all of my past experiences by by all of my angry experiences of my entire life, this one part of my mind, its job was to turn on the anger when certain times situations came up? And because that was not in the realm of consciousness.
That part of my mind didn't really note the consequences of what it did. Somewhere very early on in my life, that part of mine line became program to do this and has continued to do this have continued to do this for the rest of my life up until then, it kept doing this. And it was kept triggering the anger and my mind would be flooded was to angry emotions. And then the words and the actions would come out of that. And the part of my mind that was responsible for starting this all up never got the feedback of what the real results were.
And so by practicing mindful awareness? I was sending a message to that subconscious part of my mind that was responsible for treating triggering the anger. That message was look how I feel as a result of this anger. You know, I see a bad here. Actually feel at. Dear, you know, my body feels bad like mine feels bad. What look for what I did, look what it did to Other people let at how the results of my actions, how they make me feel, I need to share even worse, you know, And the message gets through.
To that unconscious part of your mind. And when it does, that unconscious part of your mind begins to change. An every time you do that, you make it more likely but that unconscious part of your mind, may still turn on the anger, but it won't be as strong. It won't be so strong that it completely overwhelm or mind. But the other thing is there is some kind of your mind at some part of your mind that is responsible for making you be aware in the moment. And you're also conditioning and training that part of your mind.
So you're by practicing mindfulness, you're also sending the message to that part of your mind to, hey. Don't turn it off. Don't go to sleep when the mind filled with anger, because look at the consequences, stay awake, do your job, So the result is that the anger is weaker. And the mindfulness is stronger and it comes from the reflection after the fat and the awareness at the time. And one of the things that I learned it was really important is that never believe the justification that your mind might.
Just you can take it as a hard and fast roof. The story what every story your mind makes, that is associated with the anger is not to be belief. And just when you don't let yourself buy into it, don't let yourself believe it, don't let me that program run because it's not true. It's just simply You can count on that. It's always not true. And to the degree that you buy into any emotionally any holes emotion like that. To degree that you believe in it. And to the degree the granted credibility, you hit it.
You've nourished it. You've made it stronger and it's it's going through it's going to have that strength the next time that it comes up. Don't blame yourself as as neil pointed out. Don't blame yourself for being angry. Because it's the result of past causes and conditions that part of your mind that turns on the anger. It's already there? Being angry at yourself has exactly the wrong effect. So don't judge yourself. Don't be angry yourself Don't blame yourself. Except. Anger is rising, but I'll say I am angry.
Let's it. My anger is rising. And then do your best to deal with it. I understand what that need you. And I can save today but that story that started playing Last nine was not true. Well, last night, how... It's hard to not believe in the story? Well, if you... By thinking about it, you see the thing is that you look at what we usually do, which is We believe in the story, and then return away from it. We never look at it again. So if you If you are looking at the story you're saying, that's really not true.
I'm the best way to help you not believe that next time. The more often that you see that the story is not true, then the easier it is for you to believe it next time. I mean, You just think about it. If. You wanna start out believing everything I said. But if every time I saw you, I lied to you. After a while, you quit believing. Right. Instead, you'll kinda place well you soon. Okay. I know this guy. He always likes therefore airport what he just said to me is most likely, not sure. I said it's interesting.
I have someone in my life. Who does that, that They always make up stories and things are accurate the way. And they're they're nervous with Alan even after all these years, I still sometimes solve for it, know. And it'll be such a good story to Leave it even though all those other times of his spoof. But nevertheless, you know, you've... So what if the story is true? But the level of your reaction is raw. You know what i mean? No Give me an example. Okay. So if something happens that I like. Mh.
So I became angry. Mh. And there was nothing incorrect even after, you know, time has passed looking back. There was nothing incorrect about my understanding of the actual situation and worked heard and wise kirk Mh. But what was incorrect ridley was the level of mine reaction to. You? I just described just to anyone else, They say, well what what are you upset about that? That they'd right. So it wasn't anything factual or about what occurred. Mh. But just it was month my over emotional reaction.
Oh, no. No. That's what I mean. That's part of the story. I mean, an essential part of the story that Angry tells is that this anger is completely justified. I mean, part of the story is Well, anybody get angry about this. And at first... You said it's that somebody else say Once did he get some upset? I guess a story not truth. Said the story is Not just what has occurred and why. But no that really important part of the story is that the anger is justified. Okay. With just a very good example who I've learned a lot of yesterday from you and and will Michael said yesterday so gave lot feedback.
The guy took my car, I want to go and smash his car herself branch. I I I the top pain right there. You know, And they was... If I'm gonna be with by story i Redemption she's car somehow. You know. And so I I knew was a bed when I had it. It's not person that I am, but that's kinda angry I got. Mh. And then I analyzed it. And i didn't believe in the story. And I like the store. You know, what I mean it's it's not something that I wanna be. Yeah. So I didn't know my story in that. That's good. And that's really good.
You know, and that's part of, you know, the thing that we read yesterday or they do that. Set also one of the recollection is you recollect your own virtue. Now, essentially, that's what you said and you said this thought came in your mind and you said, well, I'm not that kind of a person. Right? And that's that's what that means There's the virtue that you have. And you say, well, if I were to do something like that, then, you know, I'm i'm we're not sure if it's me you know, Her in the yeah. Yeah.
That's badly. Well this has been very good discussion so far. Do you have Yes? How about the emotional of the the motion of recreate of regret? Oh how. Like you say, if we got anger don't print to yourself, but but you have a big grade and you might. Yeah a lot of things, right you you if you do something. I'll. That's that's a very interesting thing. Now if we can, let's make a little distinction here between guilt, and or remorse. Because one is much more un hold and destructive than the other one.
After you've done something, you might experience guilt... Oh, I'm such a bad person and you beat up down your development site but the idea, what a terrible person you are. And that doesn't do any good at all. It's actually no different than beating up on somebody else because he did something that you don't learn. And it's very. It's very unhelpful. But sincere regret remorse. This can be very useful to you. Don't let it turn into go. I mean, if you feel regret for something maybe you did, the question should be What can I do?
The doctor? And if there is anything that you can do, to to make their demands to make reparations to offer an apology You should. You know, as a matter of fact, that's a really good way to get over getting angry if you get angry and say something to time, is to go and it admit to them. That it was not, you know, it was not appropriate. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I became angry. Yeah You know So really good That will help a lot. But when regret arises it's an indication that you need to do something to make things right inside yourself.
And So the first question you asked is is there something I can do outside myself to make things right? Because that's gonna be really powerful and effective. Now sometimes there isn't. Sometimes you can't. It's for one reason of it's too late. It's not possible. Then, You can still use the regret during horseshoe feel in a very positive way. To save yourself. This was an action whether would this action arise out? Well, you're gonna see that it if I'm I'm also actions always a arise un motivation.
Say also always come out and desire an version and division. And so you see that and you recognize that, and you can own it, and you can say, over over again, my life I I have done things like this that are in Wilson, and I've done them because of desire and version and my own diluted attachment to my cell. Do you look at that and you paste it? Then you make the commitment to yourself. I'm gonna you my best in the future not to do this. So I'll be on guard next I I'm going to be more mindful. I'll be that's careful.
And then What's a really good idea is you make the kind of commitment that you Can to. What what is going help you not to do this in the future? Well, it's going to be to practice mindfulness nuts. Is going to be to to meditate to practice mindfulness. And so you make the to do that. So this a formula here. That whenever you've done something that he realize is wrong as I'm Wholesome is death. Fields sincere, remorse. Allowed yourself to theo that. It's not a good tasting medicine, but it's a medicine to allow yourself to sincerely feel the regret remorse is a medicine that is going to help to treat the disease.
So the first thing is to sincerely feel the regret remorse for what you've done. Second thing is to resolve not to do your best not to do the same thing or something similar or in future. And then the third thing is to consciously commit yourself to an appropriate remedy for your tendency to do this in a future. So these all start with r social regret, resolve and remedy. Now part of the remedy can be if there's something that you can do, can be apologizing with somebody it can be replacing something that you damage.
It can't be doing something to compensate for what we've done, you know, But do that. That's part of the remedy. Started at. And somehow the the more strong required that i will lead lead lean me to a wave and very fading at field Bruce. Oh, yeah. That's right. It makes you feel. Yeah and and. So it be that okay. Well, how can he can right... The important thing is the metro feeling of regret. I wish that I hadn't done that. That's what's important. The all emotions come with a sort of, you know, a a physical feeling tone as well.
Know. And so, yes. When you wait you feel bruised, you feel... You realize that you didn't yourself by the thing that you did. Right? Yeah. Yeah. You don't need to dwell on that. But it's good to recognize it. It's good. You know, once again, let your mind awareness. Transmit the message to the other parts of your mind that caused you behave and it's way look, this is how I feel as a result of that. This is a way we... This is how we feel. I mean, there is no eye. Just to collection and novel processes.
So the metal process that recognizes their regret says to all the other metal processes, including the one that brought about the unfortunate behavior. Hey, Look what you did to us. This is how we feel as a result of that. You keep that mind for next time. I want with voice again, you know everything again is that we can need to guilt cautiously. Try not to. I mean... Yeah. If you're if you're un and unconscious it can can turn into guilt. And you can beat yourself up, but that doesn't do any good at all.
So try to be mindful you catch yourself caring that. He realize that. That you are the product of your cast karma unless you got a time machine and go back and create a different cell. You know, what you you... When you did something, You did it because if who you were in that moment. And except that. What's important is what you do about it. In this moment. What you do in the present moment, is what's important. So but... The moment that you did that action has already become passed in the moment that he recognized that he shouldn't have done it.
And so accept that, you cannot change the past. And don't allow yourself to get into useless kinds of feelings, like guilt. But accept that genuine remorse and regret. And even feeling a little bit bruised as a result of it. This this is what is present in the moment. And this is what nec taking an appropriate action. Either internally or externally or both internally and finger. I was gonna say struck me that when you were talking about guilt, it seems like the yelling of guilt is very much the same as it's a failing to claim toward another.
Mh. Know it's kind of a blanket that's the way it is. And just like that's just like lightning doesn't help you. That's right in the same way. Feels. Doesn't know. It's exactly the saying like... And you know, The important thing is that you think about it and you recognize the fact that guilt is not helpful. And so then whenever you find yourself feeling guilt then, then you can say, well, this is like any of the others like binding somebody else just like any of the other un un skill and unusual emotions and and treated that way.
Know, and you might even practice replacing it with compassion for yourself. There's an interesting thing. This is another thing. I I told you that that I had to overcome. A lot of anger that I carried. And It's funny. Lost exactly. One second we coming back k. Oh, yes. That in that process, you have to... Mean I I had to forget the person that my anger was directed towards. But what I discovered is that there was a whole lot of other anger behind that. So you sort of peel away on layers. Okay. I'm angry at this person.
You shaped that of away. And then in this case, because these are things that happened when I was a child, I've discovered I also had a lot of anger towards other people, other adults that didn't protect me. You know, and you didn't step in do something. So I had to forgive that to so... Okay. Took that layer off. And thought if that was it, but then no. What I discovered is that I also had to forgive myself because I felt guilty as though what happened to me was somehow my fault. There something wrong with me.
The the I observed It and start like. Very interesting thing. Totally irrational. I mean, because you look at it rationally well no. I didn't deserve that. No. But deeply buried in there, I found this kernel of guilt. The the best way I could put it is I discovered the the deep down, I felt like there was something wrong with me. I was blessed than other people and what happened to me happened to me because I deserved it and it was my fault, and I had to forgive myself. And that was the hardest of all of the people that I had to forget.
That was the hardest one. Forgiving yourself is really it's really a challenge. That's probably when we do the loving kindness meditation, start out with. When we start out with the people that we're respond up more close to, and then we go to the people that we have a problem with and the more and more difficult people. But we try to end up with sending love and kindness to ourselves because we'll start off going through the motion that's getting ourselves loving kindness, but the some part of it, that doesn't necessarily believe that we deserve it and then probably hold it back.
So, you know, but, yeah, you have to forgive yourself. That. Guilt is it's binding us out and it's folding on that. That's fine. Earlier, you said that whenever we have a story based on the angry motion should not leave it, but Gil is also an anger it against ourself. So so so it falls in the same light. And then I have a And but the thing is anger, the rule of it is is based on Nissan. A agreed mh. Is a it's a flip side of greed. It's the same point with the the the first up. We're you're not getting hug one.
Mh. And then therefore, and therefore, you know, we're we're upset. And does that mean that when when we have storing based on the know bonus agreed, we should really really question you know, the sort. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Definitely remains back. But then, you know, they're they're certain things that you said yesterday that... Well we're greedy about, you know, our our of our star practice. It it's kinda like be the only awesome ingredient that it is. They talk a little bit more. Yes. And eventually, you have to let go of that.
But the one thing that's wrong with desire for a weight pain greedy for the. The one thing that's wrong for the is wrong with that. Is that it's still rooted in the idea that there is a self that I am going to the account the way. With this this itself that this person is going to achieve these results. And the fact is that that... That's not true. You aren't never going to kinda wake him. But when you let go of that, then then the body mind to five aggregates, the psycho physical entity that you are.
Will become awakened. So there's always the seed of this mythical self behind any kind of desire and great. But if it is desire for the Dha desire for weight, it's not harmful for you gets moving you closer to Nevada and it's not harmful for others. So it's not in wholesome in the way the other kinds of desire and and plus star. But in the other time, you know, any other kind of desire and read out of that somewhere you're fine is going to have some un result. That's the thing that that kind of...
There's different kinds of work. You know, we've fallen love with, but... And and we may want to to give to them do for them, protect them. But there's all this selfish that's underneath it. And as you know, you fall in love with somebody and very often, it turns nasty at some point. You end up hurting each other. Typical relationship, you end up hurting each other over and again in many ways and then sometimes the relationship doesn't even right. And that's all come from the selfish component that is in there.
You can over time come in a relationship to a place where it is genuine love. Or the other person accepting and there's no longer to self component it. And then it becomes a different kind of thing. And it's free desire and that's the. You know, the it takes on a totally different flavor. I'm vague just said to to know that the eighty set but we're angry and our ego is exposed and they can't form. Help you... You know, you said, we should have served it. Can you tell us what are some the delays that are skill you know serving this ego?
I'm not sure how to say tuned much more than I already have. When somebody offend you, it does reveal your your ego in a way that if you can take advantage of that and examine it honestly. And then you next me they have to be honest with yourself, because you've gotta remember that Your anger is gonna want to tell a different story. I get angry long enough to for to observe I only... Usually, I get upset only for a little lot. Find. Well. That's that's that's a. If you're gonna have any problem at all that's that's that's kinda happened.
Well I'd like the also you in naked it form. What are by there some other... Well. When you're feeling hurt and injured even if you're not feeling? Angry. When you're feeling hurt and injured, do you look and see well who's feeling hurt and why? And how you feel injured in some or betrayed in some on some of these let me down or something like that. Who has been betrayed. This is also another access that you have to your ego structure. See, what you'll find if you examine the ego the ego self and over again and all these books that we talked about.
If surfing this mind generates and it turns it on and off, And sometimes it's there and sometimes it's not. But whenever whenever you're feeling hurt and injured, it's turned on. Because otherwise, what's there to be hurt and injured? You see what I mean? So let me put in another way. Anger hurt things like You can recognize that at the at the root in order to be in order to have a logical presence at all, implies that there must be a cell. Must be an cell because they don't make sense outside of that context.
That they're being in So. So any kind of experience that you're having that's sort the type that you know that to make sense for it to be there it must be an cell. Then this is your opportunity to look with him. And to examine the nature of the ego itself. And what you're going to discover is that it's a fabrication of your line. And It is... It it's basically it is story. It is nothing but a story. Mh you tell the story your mind tells the story of yourself. Oh this happened to me. Oh, I felt this way.
Oh, and then I decided to do this. And everything than that happened and it creates a story of who you are. And that's what gets, you know, in some form or another brought up under these different kinds of circumstances. But when you see see it for what it really is, it's a story. Thank. Anything else? On your minds right now? I said yesterday that I would like to spend a little time with there's a few people never meditate before and I wanted to spend a little time with them talking to them little more about meditation and giving them a little more instruction.
And then there are those of you that you've heard all this kind of stuff so many times before and you've meditate often that you are not interested. So maybe what else suggest is between now and when lunch arrives, If those of you who aren't interested perhaps you could go and do a little walking meditation and enjoy this beautiful day in the outside. And those of you who are interested could stay here and we'll just talk a little bit more about meditation and I'll give you some basic instructions some tips on.
What to do with things like aim learning cannot not so forth. Okay. That alright? Okay. So and if you're interested in the meditation discussion stay here, and we'll all get to get get together back here one thirty.