The Mind Illuminated archive

TCMC 29 April 2010 part 1

Automated transcription

Let's talk about meditation for a few minutes. Maybe how's your practice going? Anybody on the verge of anything? May wonderful Yes. I fucking called in with the separation between practice the plan is I I not... Medication process is wonderful. And I'm getting Deeper and and product into it but then in real life. Mh. But I'm so often catching out back into responding from a pattern Mh. And in and all the wonderful insights and and intentions I have in medication are go for the moment. And so This quite describe depends.

What is? Is. Oh that that's that's really good that you're aware of that. And that's first of all, you have to become aware that there are the discrepancy. And then even more than that, you you wanna get to a place where you're aware of the master rising. Oh, they everybody's. Before... Well, or or or while, you know, at the same time. Yeah. So... And so that's the challenge. It's again. It's very much like when you begin to meditate is forgetting what you're doing. Right. I to head down in Medicaid and you're buying Wander and all was time to here realize it...

Oh, I forgot what I was doing I have her been. January what I supposed to do for the last the holiday minutes las may. So it has an exact parallel. You you gotta turned your christian and you go out started with your life I'll your husband. Oh, wow. What I meant to be doing or last year. Yeah. K. Yeah. So it's exactly the same thing. And so in and medication, you know, you're sitting, and you have a realization. You say, oh, well, good. Now i now I know what I'm supposed to be doing. And then you go back to.

And the first all you're supposed to be doing and your day life is staying mindful. Staying aware. See when when we emotions and your behaviors of arising out of old inappropriate conditioning and causing you to to do things and feel things and and get your mind all tied up and not that you don't act to do. Right? So... And, of course... It's also parallel in that when you realize that you forgotten what you were doing in in meditation. You bring your attention back for the breath. There's a little while where you you you're staying with it quite well, Yes you know what you're doing.

And yes you're you're watching me your brother. And Then it's some distraction, it comes along and you're either a off your guard. You know, and you've slipped into a decreased state of awareness. Or the distraction of conservative is so strong, that it carries you right, and and this is what happens. It's exactly the same thing that is happening in your life. You let your guard down and something that shouldn't have tripped yet does. Or else something comes along that is strong enough that it kind of overwhelm the degree mindfulness that you've been cultivate.

So is it's all very much the same thing. Now the important thing is the moment that you realize that you were thinking and acting sweeping in a way that was less than fully mindful. And you can... And so you wanna reinforce that in way you can, you know, Like thinking out. How did this come about how did I react? What were the... What was Our feeling? When I said that what do those students come from? And this will make a strong impact. And it it does... And and then do have first from that point on you tried to keep as much mindful of awareness as you can and place.

But I have found that it's very helpful. To have a period of reflection when you just reflect on those other times during the day when those things might have happened. And you hadn't caught them. You hadn't noticed. Even even up to that point view generally reflection you realize well. Yeah. Not only did I do that this morning, but it was a time, but This other thing happened, and I wasn't aware them either. By... By bringing them into into your conscious awareness. And by reflecting on, I'm not not judging them or anything like that.

But just basically just sat the event with mindful awareness, even though it's retrospective. That's what this is going to do is it's gonna condition your mind so that the next stay, you're more likely to cash these while they're happening Or as you say, eventually, you start to recognize them before that. Yeah. First are already probably recognizing some of them before they have. Right? And others... While they have. But the point is that you just keep on practicing it. And the... The occasions when you're already is down will do come fewer and see and your vulnerability to being carried away by something that it carries a lot of intensity over the time left.

So When you become aware of the discrepancy between what's happening in your notation or happening in your day life, and apply exactly the same methods as people learned to use meditation to your daily like i know were working in the same way. And I have one more question to that. Sure. That was such a good question you have two more so does together with Like, you you be spontaneously from a case and sometimes it's good sometimes. It's not good, but it's still what you've it's not necessarily bad implants at that moment.

It's just a very spontaneous reaction. But it's not it's not defined as my phone with black before you speak or who egg. How does it fit together? Well, mindfulness doesn't necessarily mean that you reflect that you reflect and think about everything that you're going to do. It means if you are aware of what you're doing. Although what you say may be spontaneous, it is preceded by other things is preceded by thoughts and emotions. And if you're in a state of awareness, and you recognize that those thoughts and emotions are not on hold.

You have the choice to put on the brakes before it gets to the point of spontaneous speaking or acting. But what is really about is not that your... I I mean, we we practice in meditation. Being aware of everything we do. And how and if we in walking meditation or on or retreat when you're eating or dressing or going into the washroom or anything off that air movement every react you Right, you you'd be fully mindful of it. And as a part of doing that, then you recognize the rising of intention that proceeds every reaction.

Alright. If you're if if you... And it's easy to do when you're on retreat, the level of your mindfulness is high and it's not all that much bearing on. And so you you can start to really catch speed the intention that arises before a reaction, you know, when the mosquito lands on your forehead and and you recognize the intention to swap it and you may decide not to. Right? And and so it's it's the same thing. It's a refinement of your mindful awareness? The the spa at is not the same thing as online.

Mh. Right? But because the the the intention, the impulse, the the formations, they arise spontaneously. But if mindfulness is present, you can also spontaneously choose to stop some before they, you know, they become manifest. Main thing is after a while, because your natural, you know, every time, you apply mindfulness, to an activity or something that you said that is not wholesome, and it's un undesirable sets in in terms of new diamond practice and so forth. If you truly apply mindfulness to that, then what that mindfulness does is it eliminates the cause of that action and the consequences of that action.

And that the the impulse and inclination to action improved particularly, Right. This coming from some mental mechanisms of the process that is in itself unconscious or sub subconscious. It's a result of your fast conditioning. And it spontaneously he evo a particular emotion and a particular tendency to act and particular. And we can go through our life doing that over and over again. And that that's unconscious mechanism that produces that same kind of reaction every time to those kind of of circumstances.

Never gets... There gets the feedback that would allow it to to change the way it functions, and that's why just it goes on and along us. As a matter of fact, every time he react and a similar letter, are you reinforcing the same tendency? But mindful awareness applied even after the fact provides that unconscious mental process with a kind of a new kind of conditioning a kind of feedback that that the reasons that that mechanism had for coming into existence, no longer exist, they don't apply. And the consequences that they're producing in the world are not done you and they're not benefiting fitting anyone else.

As this... When you keep losing your temper, was because that part of view that has learned to cause you to lose your temper is still acting on old programming, you know. That some reason or another it got established, but this was a good and useful and helpful thing to do. And so it keeps running that now. But mindful awareness when practiced effectively, makes those unconscious mechanisms aware. That... Like I said, the that... They're they're origins, are no longer applicable. And their consequences are no longer appropriate.

And then they tend to fade away then they tend to lose their force. And at that point, to mindful awareness is done its work, and you're not going to have to be worried about. Not being spontaneous, because what's gonna arise spontaneously is loving kindness and generosity and patients. So Yeah. That make sense you? Yes. Ready. Next. All representatives else. Yeah. Well, follow what we're talking about. Good. You. A lot of times I find spontaneous responses promotion. Yes. And particularly in relationships for know people you know, the relatives of And so I can see I can see that I don't want to be responding in certain ways.

And I can even take it sometimes to not responding that way. But internally, it's still carrying along Mh. The emotions. Yes. And my question is how you anticipate that emotion? Mean, I know there's some point. Like but Well, Yeah Okay. Well let I'll just repeat what you're saying here. Okay. That. Sometimes you'll have the mind and motion will arise. And you will catch yourself and not act on. But then you're still left splendid with this emotional reaction mh. And i... Well, it dissipate after a while.

Getting no problem get to the point that you don't have the action and you know that thing. If. Well pam if you had a strong emotion arise why you're sitting and meditating what would you do? Probably just let Oh course. Look at the way it makes you feel. Makes sure look the way to makes you feel physically and then examine the nature of the emotion right itself. And usually, whether it's meditation or out. As soon as you sort of take that objective perspective of... Well let me examine this feeling that I have.

It becomes a lot easier to be with and to do and it does begin to dissipate. And emotions And emotion needs the the energy of your body in to space. You know? If fear arises and you say, I'm afraid then that feeds the emotion. But if fear arises and you say, oh, That's fair right. Then you're you're not feeding it. It has... It it has some strength some energy from the past. But you're not giving it any new energy and present. And if you just accept it and look at it, it has to dissipate. Because you know, it it's it it uses up the energy that brought it into existence.

K. Of Chris, the trick is to not keep it. Using anger once again, if you find, you suddenly become angry and you forest all yourself from from speaking or acting kind to anger. And then the emotion is still there. That doesn't mean that ten minutes later, something else isn't going to be done or said, and Yeah. You are going to back out of that. Right? So allen. That's it. That's staying in that place of mindful awareness and objectivity. And a real challenge. But the point is that to... If you try, And if you don't expect to be perfect, and you don't expect to succeed the first time or every time.

It will you you will you will get results. And if you think about it, there's what else can you do? Really is k. Well, I just thinking as you're talking that I think one thing would help is to go to the... Remember that, I'm not separate self. Yes. Because the emotion is like, you know, well, my. Why didn't something. Mh. And if you weren't... I wasn't viewing something. If if you if you have that under standing that you're not the deceptive itself, and it's clear enough in your mind. That's a really powerful antidote.

And that's that's what Modi simon receives. They they get used to being aware of this all of the time, and it's the antidote to all so negative mental states that arise. But if you're not there, yeah, there's other things you can use, you can look at it and look at and say, well, this doesn't make you feel wow. This doesn't do mean good or anybody else any yet. Alright, this is not a good state to be in. And and that's a pretty... That's a pretty... Everybody can relate to that, you know, and it's it's a pretty potent antidote that you can bring to bear from on these things.

Because usually, what feature problem, The the habit individual way that we human beings behave. Because whatever arises we identify it and feed it. Mh. First of all, we we had we identify with it and feed it and we jobs. And then losing the track of what I was gonna stay there. Oh, yes. And then as a result of that, we we act we say something to do something. Well, then instead of examining to that, mine told it mindful and saying, that was that was not a good thing to do. That was really you know, this instead of saying this emotion it makes me feel bad and the consequences of those actions are harmful to myself and others.

We we just apply it. We rationalize it. And then if it produces consequences, we don't like but we look away from her ignore them. I'll make the story around it. And that's exactly why our experience that things don't go well when we are at way. Doesn't have any effect on changing the way that we react. We keep reacting in the same way. Because we're actually blocking out all the input of information to the line, you know, that and this This keeps the change from happening. Other positive ways you can look at what's happening in the own is recognizing it.

You are not the emotions that they are products of your mind. That think about it. Emotions have no existence outside of the line. They are solely a product of mind itself. That's that's all any emotion is. And what are they coming from? If you look at where they have from, most of them have really primitive origins. You it. And so what you're looking at when you see when you see emotions arising is creations of the mind that are color your experience. And they you can choose to bind it it or not.

If your mind chooses to flood itself with a feeling. Of love and appreciation. Hey. Go with that. Yeah. It may not be real. But But the effects are real. The effects i are I'm happy. I make you happy. The effects of the area. On the other hand, at some part of your mind chooses to flood floods your mind with things of anger or resentment or fear or anxiety or worry or anything else? Then you don't have to buy into it. So that helps you to separate yourself from that and look at it objectively. Your emotions are like, you know what happens if you're...

If you were walking your house support here and you stepped on a slippery spot. And you started fall down. What would happen? You immediately, but you honor not catch or yourself. Right? That's that's like an automatic reverse reaction. Right? Now if you were carrying a a precious jewel in your hand, let's make a fragile view. Would you clean your yard not to catch yourself? No. And your emotions are the same thing. They're, like, you know, the the instinct motor pattern that makes you throw out arms to catch yourself when you fall, is on the same basic kind of level has really all of our emotions.

There these dna inherent things that we're born with that act as a really prudent way of directing our behavior. Five time. They can't be over. Yeah. This is I guess big indirectly. So is involved in in what we're talking about, but something that I've been pondering for the last couple of weeks is you can have exceptions on an at an emotional level and feel alright. Even... And and this has happened throughout my lifetime, where you're comfortable with with whatever the situation is, if you feel emotionally that there's total acceptance.

Yeah. But yet, there's a physiological problem that they'll come up. And just just why I'm having a little bit of difficulty, but trying to understand how you can be A real simple example going to the heck. And I made the appointment. I'm ready to go. I'm not apprehensive about it, but my hands starts soon i sit down the dead. So there's a physiological reaction to something that I feel that I have total acceptance for and and depth with the stress that we all experience and, you know, the high blood for the heart division of everything isn't right into that.

So Can't you How do you get a balance? I mean need tell that you need a balance because you think emotionally, you're okay. Bobby oh no. Well, if you if your hand start to swift, shaking things like that, are you really Are you really free you anxiety? Well, evidently no. But no logically, I feel that I am. If you were to ask, and sure. It's not problem. K. So you, so... So I evidently no. Yeah. Into. My model of the mind is it's this big and the part of it, you're consciously aware of this is she expensive.

Right. Right. I that. So Mh the part that you're consciously aware of, you can look around Say off. No anxiety here. Another fight. That feels quite same way you better besides said. I think right. So. First of all, you can just accept that. Yeah Okay. Obviously, you know, sub subconscious levels. So I'm part of my mind isn't so sure yeah. It's so comfortable with that's. And just be with it. Okay. You know, sense. That you're having that physiological reaction. You know, it's no different than going to store when they having allergy attack.

Right? I yeah. I i well, let me in that kind of situation, It go to the the he described. You can still go to the chiropractor even though you've got sweaty shaking hands and just noticed something and gets sweaty shaky hands. Some part of me isn't quite alright with this. But doesn't get way does it. Well, sometimes it does. When you come up with the pal or just... And things like and that's it's a different thing. If it starts to... you know, it starts to get white. Now there's a whole liver problem.

Yeah. So then... Now. You know Sometimes people... I I I I did this a lot earlier in my life. I didn't have emotions. Or I have very narrow set of emotions. I only allowed myself a few, you know, Lust was okay. And Andrew was okay. Everything else. I didn't do those search. Which question wasn't it true? It just yeah I trained myself to shut down with of the other kinds of emotions came up. I wasn't I let pen. And the this thing it ever happened to me he was and I started letting them through because, you know, when they're all locked up in the back, you know, the windows door is closed and, you know, It it's...

I they don't change much. He they he need to get them out into to the light or their day. So certain amount would be emotional denial. Well, yeah. That's... And we do that. I mean, you know, he may sure mind to, you know, I'm not worried about going their dennis, you know, counts probably hear be fun. You know not but you find is you you can't even put the key in the ignition car without. Okay. And my baby you need to be a little more honest or your so. No allowing emotions there kind know. At least as i came out, he had a chance to deal with.

Did you keep locked away in the back, then, you know, you might manage it's spider of them than you might not. But you can't too match with them. Mh. It's is much better to get done out in the open. And we do that. You know, it's not just it's not just people with serious psychological problems that that shut down certain kind of motions. We all do that. You know, we we are famously self judgmental mental. Because and we have lot of kinds of ideas of who we are and what kind of person are and and And this is the way I react and this is the way I don't man.

You know. So so we all do that. So i think recognize said and Do you see those outward outreach signs like the ones that he described? You know, that, you know, there's not there's an opportunity here to get more fully in touch with so. Okay. Okay. So in in response to her, it means that you don't say, oh, I'm anxious she's. I need to be about oh, Yeah it's there's anxiety coming up. Okay? I thought, you know, I have it under control, but this is still the you make that. Distance speak between what you recognize and what you identified.

And that's the card where you can... Where you can solve. Right? Hopefully. That's right. I'm. That's. That's right. Alright. You don't you don't need to identify with it clip. These are the sure signs that is present. And in in that case, you you don't need to... Embrace it to bring it in the open. But, you know, if you think about it dealing with emotions mh. Emotions are all they have a psychic component. They always have a physical component. Mh. They affect the the the blood flow and the heart rate and the respiratory rate.

And they produce sensations, you know, some the motions make you throat tight and your voice change and others make you very in here and, you know, So they all have these physical components. And those are those those are so much heart of the emotions that If you see those physiological things present and put your attention on them, then they can bring you into the full awareness of the emotion. Because they... That is that is the emotion and. And user the the sip part will become it will come into to awareness using the physical part as as the means good.

And the same way going the other way and and dealing with the emotions and motion up really strong. You really feel it psychologically intensely. And you're overwhelmed dryer, the way that you connect the space between you and the emotion is focus on the physical aspect Because yeah if you think about, the psychological aspect is what rev in your sun and they you identify with it actually she really suffered. Makes she really believe that. Makes it hard to separate yourself from it. But if you go to...

Oh tighten that in my throat and the a and my chest and nervous that is trembling in my hands and so forth. That either the objective with in a way that may initially not be possible with they with the subjective feeling experience. Mh. They used the physical part. To to create that distance and then you can turn your attention to the psychological part and come to a place of acceptance. It does the kind of plot whether it's a conscious verb what do I mean by identify? Thank. She made sure that I definitely sent the car.

That's important thing to do. But by identify... I mean either the... There may actually the the verbal thought in your mind aid if there isn't, there's some other thought in your mind that that how the form i have. I am Angry. Alright? And afraid. I am restless. I am Annoyed. That's i've that's the identification. That's so the stealth and equal sign and the emotion and And so to the objective is to make it more into dave. There is consciousness of these things that are happening. These things that are rising these things that occurring.

These experiences that are taking. That makes sense? No. How good. You don't get it? No. Sorry. Well, I mean, I I I get I I'm gonna hear the words but I can't find him. I can't really find anything. Do you anybody can you anybody help me with this? Or I anybody else have the same problem? Yeah. Yes. Well, just maybe think of the the, you know, technique of the meditation. When these was got split into my mind. You know, if if I so mean they're kinda, like magnetic. Sometimes cool, you know, there are going.

Eventually, the mean it is getting better with time more meditate say, oh, what am I doing? It's supposed to be meditating I'll go back so it, but that is it's sad it one one idea start following these things that go and and that then that's what I'm doing is that that's what I call identifying with I'm identifying with these thoughts. But, you know, how how somebody had put it like meditating his is like being at the bottom of the stream and all these thoughts are going by overhead. And if I just watch and then let him go by, and then i stick with the meditating and like if I...

There they're like, maybe another metaphor floor from a a fishing line if I grab the hood, and I'm might identifying with that. So I get carried away with it. So that's... you know, that's that's what I thought of the the What what I wanna aim at is these states are gonna come around. They do all the time, but I if if I can let him go and get back to my business and I'm not that's fine was that, but if if I go up on the fantasy that is is nurtured by one of these ideas I'm identifying with the average.

Happens to me a lot when i'm left But is it it is was it's getting better more. The more i say, oh, yeah. Okay. Get back to business and... Mh. And also, like what you use suggested and because people have my hear people complain early. Well all, you know I'm just doing this so four I'm always going off. And you you you say, well, be happy when you recognize said go back and tell what a great thing i and I, you know, remember that. So that's that's what I tried to do and it's like trying not to identify with and stuff get if I have something positive to call back and and be happy about seeing what's going on then in that side I don't think but he was speaking of thoughts, but does that help you any way to?

Maybe another word? Suggest it's cleaning grasping to it. Is interesting that a word from poly that is translated as cleaning and grasping in English. Is Donna. And what Movement Madonna notes in terms of our mental processes specifically. Is that the mind generates something, like an emotion or a thought or an idea and we make it real. We reapply it. Yeah. That's that's nice Okay. So so when an emotion arises what we naturally do what naturally happens so quickly to if we don't even realize who's an alternative is exactly that we we take this thing Here's nothing more that metal construct a product of the mine.

But we make it into a reality. And make it real. Mh. We have which is also about grasping cleaning refunds. And but we don't have to do that. We can see it for just what it is. Ip is... Yeah. You know, like in Bob's analogy with thoughts is that is like the stuff that's passing by. And it's the same thing. When an emotion arises, if you ever watch emotion carefully, what to see is emotions are constant. They fluctuate. They have more intense and know less intense maybe more intense and intense. You know, they have a site pattern to them.

And so they arise and then they pass away, and then they come back again and they pass away and maybe you just watch that happen without. Doing what we usually do making it into the reality that we're looking at in the moment. So allowing something to arise if not the same as identify. That's right. Yeah. You know, it's like when start. You know, you can allow the winds from to provide. Or you can resist it. It's gonna come. No matter. What? I mean maybe you can stop the. No. And I think that's part of my confusion here is because it seems like things rise and passed more quickly the more I really wow to arrive.

Like I mean, say fear. Yeah. And that don't means any particular external expression of early particular story you around it. Yeah. And tomorrow I'm willing to just let it. you know, come. Yes. And let it go. Let it go. Exactly. Which is which feels really different in my body than trying to observe it. Mh. Kinda know what's going on. But the... You know little tiny... Maybe that little tiny part of the brain is still. Alright. No. I the rest is just kinda going through the. Yeah. But, i'm not that.

Yeah. If you if you allow it to come go without... You see... And that's the problem with city i know translations, things like you said, last clinton, you know, but Who applies equally well she when you try to drive something away. This fear arises and you resisted it trade mexico where you've made it real. You've give an. You. I even it be it's like it's, you know, absurd a lot times, so it's like, this real sudden love version. Mh Okay. Wow yes. There's subtle version. That's Let just observe it.

Allow it to be there. Until it goes away. And until the time comes it even settled of the version doesn't come up. Have to dedicate sometime. Thanks. But what how with this it's also who talked earlier about the mind is not just one thing. Am my has all these components. And so when I'm feeling I'm here right here, and I don't let go with this. And then look part, it's just one point. So go to the pipe, which is not positive, but with what saying you know, from the the ones where you can where you can let go of and gripping.

That helps me a lot. In of this is not just one side. It is just one part of my mind. Mh. That is that's a helpful perspective. Yeah. Okay. Well, I I have safe all these wonderful questions and we'll okay.

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